Should people ever hold grudges? Is there a time when a grudge supersedes resolving issues?


Resentment

You can’t expect to live life without running into problems. Sometimes people get so frustrated, that they decide to hold a grudge.  What’s so unsettling about a grudge is that it keeps the bitter feelings alive. It hurts all parties involved every time they think about it.

According to my New Oxford  Online Dictionary a grudge is: resentment, bitterness, rancor, pique, umbrage, dissatisfaction, disgruntlement, bad feelings, hard feelings, ill feelings, ill will, animosity, antipathy, antagonism, enmity, animus; informal a chip on one’s shoulder.

We all know about grudges. A lot of times they occur between countries. Then, what we all end up is a war. It’s like we’re all little kids saying, “I’m right, and your wrong, na, na, na, na, etc! In the meantime, many innocent people are victimized. Look at all our brave soldiers that are killed fighting meaningless wars.

Alcoholics Anonymous recognizes the destructive force that grudges have. In one of the steps, people have to apologize and make amends to people they’ve hurt.

Family Grudges Occur Too Often

It’s amazing how many grudges occur within families. You often hear about brothers and sisters turning against each other. Sometimes, if happens after a parent dies and people have to decide what to do with remaining possessions or money. I’m convinced this all  emanates from childish feelings of jealousy.

I know someone who didn’t talk to his brother for 40 years because they got into a disagreement over a bottle of wine after their father’s funeral. One brother called the other cheap and poured his inexpensive bottle down the drain Unfortunately, by the time they talked one of them had Alzheimer’s Disease and didn’t even recognize his apologetic brother.  So, it never really got settled.

If a child acted like this, we’d put them both in time-out chairs.  After the time-out was over we’d have a little talk.  We would say, “Don’t call your brother cheap, and you apologize right now.”

It takes an effort

I guess if people don’t work to resolve issues, maybe their relationship was superficial in the first place. If you sincerely cared at all about the other person, you wouldn’t let your pride get in the way.

It’s true there are some relationships not worth salvaging; for example,  people who inflict serious physical and emotional damage are not worth talking to again.

Decide if it’s worth working out

If you are feuding with someone, and care about them, this is my advice: act like a grownup and resolve the issue.

You won’t be sorry. Someday, you might even forget what the fight was about, and that it ever happened.

You’re going to gain so much more than you’ll lose

What’s the silliest grudge you ever heard of? Do you ever think it’s a good idea to hold a grudge?

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Should people ever hold grudges? Is there a time when a grudge supersedes resolving issues?

  1. Grudges run rampant in my family and im still waiting on God….waiting on the family members ro just GET OVER themselves…

    However, some of them has made it very understandable to see why an individual would be mad! Some constantly do negative thinga but this blog gave me a nice slice of hope!

  2. Hi!
    My name is Danyelle and I happened to stumble across your blog post about grudges. I’m currently casting a reality show about feuding men and we’re looking to reunite them and give them the opportunity to work out their issues. We’re looking for brothers, best friends, cousins, etc that have had some kid of a fall out and are no longer on speaking terms. If you know anyone that fits the bill, please let me know! Email me at facetofaceshowcasting@gmail.com and check out our website at mysticartpictures.com. Hope all is well.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s