I hate to admit this, but I do sometimes turn on the Dr. Phil. TV show. It’s really sordid. Sometimes, I wonder if his guests are merely actors pretending to be real people.
I didn’t fully watch his show today, but at the end of the show, he had a psychologist on who had some good tips for listening to your kids.
Listening to your kid’s concerns and problems is one of the most important thing a parent can do. It’s called paying attention to them.
Remembering the chaos that surrounds children makes it sometimes difficult to give them your full attention. Fulfilling their physical needs sometimes takes precedence over their emotional ones.
Today’s parents have to be exhausted. Both parents, or only a single parent, have to work full-time jobs to make ends meet. Some parents are working more than one job. I can’t imagine how hard it would be today. Gas prices, food prices, and all those valid problems.
I think cell phones, computers, I-pads and all that technical stuff has to make it even harder to talk to your kids. It bothers me when I’m out somewhere, and people are paying more attention to their phones than their kids. It’s a little frightening. Some of those kids have forlorn expressions on their faces.
What really bothers me when both parties, the child and the parent, are busy on their communication devices. Then, they don’t seem to be together at all.
Tips for listening to your kids
Put all that stuff aside when your kid is talking to you. Fully look at the child. One thing the psychologist pointed out is that children can read your body language and your facial expressions. They’re going to pick up on whether you’re really listening.
Do reflective listening. See if you can tell how the child is feeling. Reflect this back by saying, “I know you’re feeling hurt, or I think you’re feeling…… Don’t make it phony. (I had a friend who always used to say, “I hear you.” Finally I asked her if she’d gotten that expression in her graduate course.).
Be supportive. I think that’s also important. Try to see their side of things. Then discuss it with them. You may not agree, but at least know how they’re thinking
What do you think? How do you listen to your kids? Please don’t do it holding your i-phone!
- Dr. Phil Asks “How’s That Working for Ya?” (crumbsnatchertales.com)