Backwards Living: What happened to good taste?


Anything goes these days, but if you comment on it, you’re the bad guy. It seems to me that outrageous behavior has become acceptable. If you say it’s gauche or in bad taste people look at you like your crazy. It seems to me that good manners is quickly becoming a thing of the past.

I don’t even want to imagine what it’s like in the schools these days. I’m wondering if they’re giving the teachers detentions instead of the students. From my past experience, I know a shift in power was taking place about 10 years ago.

Everyone is casual and comfortable

Go to the theater any day of the week. It doesn’t matter how much people pay for tickets, they are never dressed up at all. They are dressed up for the ballet the same way as they are for a comedian.

Some people do look nicer than others, but it doesn’t seem like they took a lot of time to get ready. There still are some cute, fancy heels that go along with the jeans. Dresses for women seem to be out of style. Maybe that’s just goes with equality, but I do miss them.

I guess they are all “comfortable”, but I do miss the days when people looked really special for special events.

Maybe in a couple of decades we’ll all run around naked, and get rid of clothes altogether. It will be easier on the bank account. We will all be more comfortable, except in the winter! Maybe then we’ll wear a big easy blanket that we put over our heads.

Spoken language is on the decline
Language sure has changed too. Just watch a movie from the 20’s, 30’s or even 40’s, 50’s, or even early 60’s. If this was reflective of society, people spoke in a more courteous way. I do know language has definitely been on the decline in the last few decades. When you’re hearing it in all the media, of course, you’re not going to speak in a thoughtful way.

I’m not saying that life was good for minorities or people who were different in the good old days. I’m glad people are more accepting of differences.

I think one of the casualties of all this acceptance and tolerance is good taste. Just look at afternoon TV. Dr. Phil features the most immoral weird people, and how about the shows that center on finding “the real fathers” of children.

If you express your opinion about much of anything that is against the present norms, you’re looked at like you’re intolerant.

It seems like things have totally gotten backwards. Isn’t there a good balance somewhere?

What do you think?

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Seeing my bad behavior reflected in others : It’s never too late to change!


When I was a little kid, I used to tattle on my sisters,  even when they didn’t really do anything wrong. I’d say, “mommy she’s hitting me, or pinching me, or kicking me.” Sometimes those things would happen, but more often they didn’t. After all, siblings do regularly plummet each other.

One day I was playing at a neighbor’s house. I was about 7 or 8.  I distinctly remember sitting in a treehouse.  I was listening to the little sister constantly complain about her brother. I suddenly realized that was how I was acting. It didn’t make me happy to see my own annoying behavior mirrored back at me. After that day, I stopped the tattling.

Another thing I’m still not good at is accepting apologies. My husband can say, “I’m sorry” and I still go on. I think I’ve done that with other people too.

I took me until today to realize that is not good behavior. I won’t give you the details, but I apologized to someone about a minor infraction and they were still upset.

From this day on, I will be accepting people’s apologies. Really accepting them.

Who says it’s never too late to change? I’m 63 and 1/2.

Is there a behavior you display that you can change. Did you ever have one of those wake up moments.

My two older sisters and me!

My two older sisters and me!

Why are our 21st Century Heroes so narcissistic? The Tipping Point for me: Lance Armstrong


English: Arnold Schwarzenegger in July 2003

English: Arnold Schwarzenegger in July 2003 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the old days that I remember, our heroes were strong, humble, and caring for others.  They did not make speeches about how great they were. This might explain why so many of us admire Barack Obama. The President

Lance Armstrong getting mobbed

Lance Armstrong getting mobbed (Photo credit: ShapeThings)

English: This photo depicts Donald Trump's sta...

English: This photo depicts Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

typifies old-fashioned behavior. He isn’t big on name calling, boastfulness, and he  loves his family. He’s not afraid to tell us that either. He also manages to appeal to our human positive side too.

In contrast to him, we have a lot of boastful narcissists continually taking the spotlight. It’s good to have a good self-image, but do you have to tell everyone else about it? Can you get outside yourself for five minutes?

Then we have members of Congress, who do nothing but argue and name call, and put themselves first. No wonder we’re all so discouraged.  If you ask me, they all need a good talking to about really caring about other people. What happened to respecting the office of President of the United States? People used to do that.

Media Narcissists

The latest media boastful heroes have been Arnold Schwarzenegger, Donald Trump, and now Lance Armstrong.

Donald Trump is the example of the professional “I am great person.” I think people are finally sick and tired of him. He is nothing but a bully. He does prove the maxim if you tell people how great you are, they will believe you.

I watched “The Apprentice.” At first I thought he was nicer than people thought. But, as time went on, I realized first impressions can sometimes be correct.  He operates by telling  people how great he is, makes them call him “Mr. Trump,” and basically sets himself up as a king.

He rewards the people who are the most competitive and cut throat like him. He fought with comedienne Rosie O’Donnell by calling her names.  He challenged the President of the United States  to supply him with proof of his birth. He said “if he does this, I will contribute to the charity of his choice.” Really?

Then we  have good old Arnold Schwarzenegger walking all over Maria Shriver by fooling around right under her nose. He’s another one who managed to convince us to see his movies and elect him Governor.  Why? Because he told us he’s great and people believed him. He is trying to come back. I don’t think he’s going to make it. I think he went too far.

Now, we have Lance Armstrong. A person we thought was admirable turns out to be a pathological liar and a  bully. During his Oprah interviews he proved that he has little insight on his poor behavior and how he hurt other people. I wouldn’t be the least surprised if he comes back like other people displaying poor behavior.  Personally, I’ve had enough of him.

Yes, I’m talking about Bill Clinton. A lot of people forget he was impeached for his bad behavior.   I wonder what happened to the girl he victimized. But everyone forgave him, and he’s more popular than ever.

Maybe one day, the tide will turn. Maybe one day we’ll get back to politeness, good behavior, and acting civilized.
What do you think?

Downton Abbey makes an American splash in newest series debut: A review


I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, so I tuned into Downton Abbey on PBS. This British series actually held my attention. It was a combination of the good acting, intrigue and fantastic costumes.

The show is about the interplay between the aristocracy and their servants. The family is the Crawley Family. According to Wikipedia , “ The series, set in the fictional Yorkshire country estate of Downton Abbey, depicts the lives of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants in the Edwardian and post-Edwardian era — with the great events in history having an effect on their lives and on the British social hierarchy.

In the opening episode of Season 2,  they were all really worried that their huge old mansion would have to be sold because  Lord Grantham, owner of the estate, made a bad investment in a railroad.  The time is now 1920.

Despite the fact that Lord Grantham is about to lose everything, he throws a huge audacious wedding for his daughter and fiance.   She drove to the church in a horse-driven  carriage.  To make matters worse, her soon-to-be husband has suddenly inherited a pile of money that he refuses to use to salvage her family’s mansion.

Maggie Smith, a seasoned British actress, plays the main English grandmamma Violet Crawley. On this episode, she clashed with the American grandmamma, Martha Levinson, played by  Shirley MacLaine. They couldn’t find better actresses to play these parts. Smith was properly snobby, and MacLaine played an inappropriate loud American who says what’s on her mind. Maclaine is finally showing her age despite her obvious plastic surgery. Smith has let herself age. I think she looks more real.( They’re both the same age in real life, 78.)

Maggie Smith and Shirley Maclaine in English series, Downton Abbey.

Maggie Smith and Shirley Maclaine in English series, Downton Abbey.

The servants live downstairs, and help the aristocracy dress and feed themselves. (They put the food on their plates). The higher class has to get dressed for dinner, and the servants also have to wear proper servant’s attire. There is all kinds of drama going on between the servants.  In this episode one of  daughters brought home her Irish husband who used to be the chauffeur.

I also liked seeing Elizabeth McGovern, mother, Cora Crawley,  who I haven’t see since she played a teenager in Ordinary People in 1980. Luckily, she still looks pretty good . She’s not that old.

The acting was so good that I will catch up on it next week on Sunday night on PBS at 9:00.

According to Reuters,  I’m not the only one who tuned in because it scored a record 7.9 million viewers for public broadcasting.  This quadrupled the average ratings for a premiere episode. The show is also nominated for some Golden Globe awards.

It just goes to show you, that Americans love gossip about the English, even if it’s make-believe. Besides, we all like to see filthy rich people squirm. (Unless your filthy rich too).

Did you watch the opening show of this season?  What did you think? Did you stay tuned the whole time? Why do you think this show is so popular with American audiences?

Ten stupid things women do for men: A little humor, but it’s not that funny.


English: Leg hair of a 17-year old white male

English: Leg hair of a 17-year old white male (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1. Shave their underarm and leg hair. My husband absolutely goes crazy when he sees I have a hair in one of those places. In the meantime, you should see him. I am certain a man thought this up in the first place.

2. Wear makeup. This is really stupid. Painting our faces? How many men wear makeup? I do enjoy wearing it sometimes. But, I’m at the point where it doesn’t do that much good.  Maybe a little bitterness here.

3. Wearing a bra. What’s wrong with being au natural. When you get older, your breasts droop. God forbid anyone should know your not a young thing with perky breasts.

4. Dying our hair. More men than woman go around with gray hair, and this is socially acceptable. My husband pitches a fit any time I suggest I go gray. He humorously says, “I don’t want to be with an old woman.”  I am 11 months older than him.

5.  Wearing Spanx. I watched a story about this on  Nightline tonight.  How many men wear Spanx?.  A woman did create this. She says, “it gives women confidence.” Now, why don’t men feel like they should have confidence like this. (She’s on the Forbes list of billionaires.) Who knew there was big bucks in sucking it in.

6. Making their breasts bigger. I remember I worked with a “girl” who did this years ago. After her boob job she loved prancing through the mall with her ponderous boobs (balloons really) ll. She liked guys looking at her and saying “she was hot.” She really enjoyed becoming a sexual object.

7. Making their rear ends  bigger. This one is too silly. I always wanted mine smaller. I also read an article about someone’s fake rear end  folding in on itself. It was going the wrong way.

8. Wearing expensive perfume. I guess it doesn’t hurt to smell nice. But, men don’t waste nearly as much money on smelling good.

9. Some woman, even old ones, won’t cut their hair or change their hairstyles because their husbands won’t like it. There’s nothing sadder than watching an old lady with an outdated long  hairstyle.

10. The dumbest things some women do for men is let the man run everything. Now, how many men would put up with that?   And that’s not funny. Not even a little.

Any other things you can think of? I would appreciate your comments! Scan to the end of this post to get to the reply section!

Should people ever hold grudges? Is there a time when a grudge supersedes resolving issues?


Resentment

You can’t expect to live life without running into problems. Sometimes people get so frustrated, that they decide to hold a grudge.  What’s so unsettling about a grudge is that it keeps the bitter feelings alive. It hurts all parties involved every time they think about it.

According to my New Oxford  Online Dictionary a grudge is: resentment, bitterness, rancor, pique, umbrage, dissatisfaction, disgruntlement, bad feelings, hard feelings, ill feelings, ill will, animosity, antipathy, antagonism, enmity, animus; informal a chip on one’s shoulder.

We all know about grudges. A lot of times they occur between countries. Then, what we all end up is a war. It’s like we’re all little kids saying, “I’m right, and your wrong, na, na, na, na, etc! In the meantime, many innocent people are victimized. Look at all our brave soldiers that are killed fighting meaningless wars.

Alcoholics Anonymous recognizes the destructive force that grudges have. In one of the steps, people have to apologize and make amends to people they’ve hurt.

Family Grudges Occur Too Often

It’s amazing how many grudges occur within families. You often hear about brothers and sisters turning against each other. Sometimes, if happens after a parent dies and people have to decide what to do with remaining possessions or money. I’m convinced this all  emanates from childish feelings of jealousy.

I know someone who didn’t talk to his brother for 40 years because they got into a disagreement over a bottle of wine after their father’s funeral. One brother called the other cheap and poured his inexpensive bottle down the drain Unfortunately, by the time they talked one of them had Alzheimer’s Disease and didn’t even recognize his apologetic brother.  So, it never really got settled.

If a child acted like this, we’d put them both in time-out chairs.  After the time-out was over we’d have a little talk.  We would say, “Don’t call your brother cheap, and you apologize right now.”

It takes an effort

I guess if people don’t work to resolve issues, maybe their relationship was superficial in the first place. If you sincerely cared at all about the other person, you wouldn’t let your pride get in the way.

It’s true there are some relationships not worth salvaging; for example,  people who inflict serious physical and emotional damage are not worth talking to again.

Decide if it’s worth working out

If you are feuding with someone, and care about them, this is my advice: act like a grownup and resolve the issue.

You won’t be sorry. Someday, you might even forget what the fight was about, and that it ever happened.

You’re going to gain so much more than you’ll lose

What’s the silliest grudge you ever heard of? Do you ever think it’s a good idea to hold a grudge?

What are appropriate manners on Facebook?


facebook

facebook (Photo credit: sitmonkeysupreme)

Today, I decided to read Sunday’s newspaper. Since the news is so old by the time I get it anyway, I guess it doesn’t matter if I read it on Sunday or Monday.

One of the columns that always amuses me is written by Judith Martin, who calls herself “Miss Manners.” I don’t know if Ms. Martin intends to be funny, but at times I find her column quite amusing. Her style of writing is a little unusual.

I can see her sitting in her palatial mansion writing her column. I’m wondering if she lives in an exclusive gated community.

I usually read this column because I find it amusing, but occasionally, I find an answer to a question I’ve been wondering about. It gets me thinking about 21st century behavior.

I found one of the questions concerning manners on the internet interesting. Somebody mentioned that on Facebook, people comment on parties some of their “Facebook Friends” have given. The reader who submitted the question mentioned that being left out of the party makes her feel dejected.

The reader was bringing up a good point. As children, we all learn that it is not polite to talk about a gathering you’ve had in front of other people who haven’t been invited.

I have noticed that this type of activity does go on.

Miss Manners thinks the “online boors” should be pitied. (See what I mean?)

Do you think someone else should write an etiquette book about manners online? For all I know, they already have.

Is it appropriate to send thank you notes, birthday cards, and sympathy cards online?

Does anyone out there, still write handwritten notes?

Do you think manners have gone downhill, or just changed?

I have a feeling that people my age, have a totally different feeling about this than younger people.

I’d love to hear from both. Comments?