A humorous look at finding the Fountain of Youth: at the health club


Two years ago, I made a New Year’s Resolution  to exercise every day  and it’s stuck. Why? I like the high! It gets the blood to my head, releases endorphins. Half-way through I start feeling marvelous.

I look at exercise as an alternative to the FDA’s solution,  pills.

I had to find my own way until  I figured out a routine that suited me.

Seeking the Fountain of Youth at the high-priced Health Club

I’d been doing swimming aerobics at the health club pool for a while, but I thought, why not try for the heavy-duty exercise, the land exercise. Why not try a personal training group?

The first step was signing a contract, and handing over my credit card.

An extra $15o.00 plus monthly membership gave me entry into the newly formed group.

The second step was evaluating my fitness

The next day I headed up to the gym to get my fitness tested. I had to wear headgear that looked like a scuba mask to check my oxygen level on the treadmill. I carefully placed a little gizmo into my bra to record my heartbeat.

When I started by walking as fast as I could, the heart gizmo did not read my heartbeat. I went several times to a back room to put this heart monitor  closer to my heart and aging, sagging bosoms, but to no avail.

” I have another appointment coming, and you’ll just have to try tomorrow,” said the sheepish, red-faced  trainer who was about 19.

I  slowly limped out of the gym, thinking I was already a failure at land based exercise.

The next day, the gym manager, a shapely muscled 24-year old woman, figured out another way to detect my pulse. She read it off the machine somehow, or just made the whole thing up. I was glad to find out I wasn’t heartless or clinically dead.

Joining the personal training class

The next day I showed up bright and early to attend my first class. It was a variety of women of all persuasions. I was the oldest, but I wasn’t the heaviest! They all were running on the treadmills, so I joined them.

Then, the trainer rounded us all up to start our real exercise session.

The affable trainer, Greg, running the session was like a friendly drill sergeant. I furiously rowed on a rowing machine,  rapidly bounced a rubber ball off the wall,  held a plank position, and startled the entire gym when I awkwardly released the weights on a machine and sounded a loud clang.

The worst was the stair-stepper

I would only recommend the stair-stepper for people trying to get information out of a terrorist. They just have to make the thing automatically go really fast. I seriously feared for my life while on this contraption. As my heart began to jump out of my chest, I yelled,” How do I stop this damn thing.” After finding the emergency stop, I thankfully climbed off.

I did last about three months, and I did attempt things I thought I could never do again, like 100 sit ups, burpees, planks and push ups. My stomach was shrinking. I was proud of myself, but I wasn’t  looking forward to the personal training sessions. After a while,  I arrived later and later . Finally,  I didn’t come at all.

So after spending extra money, and torturing myself, I discontinued my contract.

What I needed to do was accept my age and have fun! 

I decided to try things like bike spinning, Zumba dancing, yoga,  running on the elliptical ( while I watch TV with my headphones), and lifting weights with Silver Sneaker (Medicare sponsored) exercise groups.

I also bike ride with my husband, take long walks in the woods, get down on the floor with my grandson and play like a two-year old.

To be truthful, I was never admired for my svelte figure. But I do believe the Fountain of Youth resides within yourself. The right exercise for you, and attitude are important parts of it.

I do have great blood pressure, and an athletic pulse. I have a lot of energy and feel great. Okay, I’m not at an ideal weight, but it’s been worse.

Taking those extra steps makes it possible not to keep 30 or 40 pills organized.

10 of my pet peeves



1. One-upmanship

These are the people who always do better than you do. Before you finish a sentence, they are competing with you.

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2. Dishonesty

When I see something that doesn’t belong to me, I try to find the rightful owner. Some people do believe this: “If someone is stupid or careless enough to leave something out, they deserve to lose it.” People these days even steal things like your identity.

Your fault for letting me steal it?

3. Boasters

I hate people who go around boasting about themselves, their kids, etc. Oh, my child is so beautiful, smart, and popular. The irony of that whole thing is that those bragging parents usually have kids who are beautiful, smart and popular.

I am so great!

4. Unfairness

Life ain’t fair. Why can’t I get used to this reality. Equality? Nope

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5. Really, really, white teeth

Back a few years ago, your teeth could get a little yellow when you got older. Now, we have to bleach our teeth? I guess I got to get with it a little more. I’m already using white tooth rinse. It doesn’t taste that great. But, since I have crowns all over the place, I better whiten those jewels.

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6. Pressure to look young

Watch any of those old movies from the 30’s and 40’s. The parents looked older than their children!

Remember when mothers and fathers looked realistic?

7. Complainers

Nobody is interested in your aches and pains.  Nobody wants to be around a Debby Downer. Take 2 aspirin and don’t call me in the morning.

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8. Bullies

Now only do they bully in person: they do it online. I remember when some people said some bad things about me in something called a slam book. I’m glad I’m not a kid now. I still remember this and it was 52 years ago give or take a year. And thanks to the “friend” who showed it to me.

Teh precurrser to cyber bullying

9. Name callers

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” Whoever thought that one up must have been delusional.

Cyber bullying

10. Presidential Campaigns

Wake me up when it’s  past the 2016 election. I’m just worried that someone who reflects some of my pet peeves might become president.

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What do you think? Do you share any of my pet peeves?

Pouring beer for the first time!


At the age of 65, I had my first experience pouring beer. I volunteered for the Festival Latino, in Columbus, Ohio.

I reported to my friendly bartender who informed me that pouring beer was not just a matter of putting the beer cup under the keg, and pulling the handle. She showed me the “head” which is foam. Too much head and the customer will feel shortchanged.

There is an art to slanting the cup, waiting for the beer to get almost to the top, and straightening it out. If there is too much head, you can pour it out, and add more beer. It took me all afternoon to get the hang of it. If the foam takes over, it goes down the drain.

I also got to pour a brand from the can. This was much easier, but I still had to slant the cup.

Another bartender, just as friendly and helpful, replaced the first instructing bartender so she could eat some of the fantastic Mexican food.

I asked both bartenders why they did the job. “Like the variety of people, never gets boring,”was the answer. Both ladies were very cool.

The Latino Festival

The customers were great too. It was the Latino Festival. They were all patient with me and allowed me to take their pictures. They even spoke some Spanish to me at my request. (Not everyone was Latino).

And they were happy to pose for pictures. (Donald Trump was not in attendance, thank goodness.)

After pouring beer all day, I went home and drank a can that’s been sitting in my refrigerator for months. (We’re not big drinkers at my house.) It was very tasty. It came in handy too because the Republican debate was on TV.

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Trying to come into the 21st century: Machinery and technology hate me. Why oh why?


English: , 2002, hammers a nail during work at...

English: , 2002, hammers a nail during work at a Habitat for Humanity house in . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am really trying, but it’s hard! I just got a new Ipad and this is the Ipad application. I am getting dizzy looking at all the stuff you can do with the Ipad. Music, books, and aps, etc. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted an Ipad. I load aps, free of course, but then I am bewildered by them. I added some Facebook thing, and I absolutely didn’t know what to do with it. Group chat? I tried it, but then I located ancient messages I sent people years ago. I’ve had a Mac for years, but I still don’t feel like I really understand it.

I live with a guy who keeps stuff going forever. We really have dial phones in our family room, two of them. You can’t dial out, but you can talk on them. He says, “he can hear on them.” It’s true they are comfy around the ear.

He has an Acer computer he bought 5 years ago, and it works perfectly for him. He is what I call a machine person. He has a relationship with inanimate objects. This makes it impossible for us to get rid of old objects. He keeps them going and going and going.

I don’t feel in control of inanimate objects

Me, on the other hand, I’m not so successful. I break something looking at it. I wouldn’t dare go without an insurance policy on any new item because I know it will eventually break. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if this new screen I am currently staring at suddenly started to shatter. Without me doing a thing.

I tried working on Habitat for Humanity. They allowed me to hammer two boards together, but ended up taking them apart, and they told me to do something else. I was able to take the floor apart. I must say I couldn’t wait until quitting time. On the other hand some young girl was using the wood-cutter with expertise. So, it’s not a girl thing.

What is simpler than painting a wall? I usually get more paint on me than anything else.

I can spell and feel like I have some control over words. I guess we all have our strong points. Unfortunately, in this world today, inanimate objects are more important than spelling. So, I will keep trying to conquer the techno world, or at least have a general idea of what’s going on!

I’ve never used the Ipad on WordPress. I will see how it all comes out!

Not that good—I had to edit it on the Mama computer. Sigh……..

Technology going too fast for a girl born in 1950


Oh good grief, now they’re selling google glasses. Now everyone will be walking around asking themselves questions. It’s bad enough when they’re going down the street talking to unseen people.

Who knew this would ever happen. We won’t need friends anymore. We’ll have glasses.

Only $1,600 a pop.

My husband has phones in our home from the 1960’s. He is a person who keeps things going for

Samsung to Launch Smart Feature Phone “REX Ser...

Samsung to Launch Smart Feature Phone “REX Series” in Emerging Markets (Photo credit: samsungtomorrow)

years at a time. This, I suppose, is rare these days.

I, on the other hand, would like a smart phone. I keep finding ones that trump the other ones, so I can’t make a decision. I am walking around with an ancient Verizon dumb phone. It’s a couple of years old, and I don’t have a contract on it. I hate those contracts.

I found a Samsun that has 13 pixels, so now I want that one. I don’t even know what a pixel really is, but I know the picture on the camera is a lot nicer.

I couldn’t wait to get my Macbook, but now at 4 years old it’s getting old.

Naturally, I want a pair of those glasses.

I guess I just want to feel like I belong in the 21st century. Can a woman raised in the 20th century adapt to modern times?

What do you think?

I’ve been out of touch with some TV and it’s probably a good thing! Yuck


no-cable-tv

no-cable-tv (Photo credit: hjl)

Some of the TV shows on cable television are shocking. I started watching some tonight while I tried to crochet. I figured I could listen and figure out what I was doing at the same time. It really didn’t work.  I ended up ripping out my crocheting, but I realized TV has come a long way. A long way downwards.

I won’t pretend I don’t watch TV, and  that some of my choices aren’t  terrific.  I seem to like competitions and weight shows.  I am a regular viewer of Jon Stewart and the Colbert show.  I used to watch the news shows, but they are just people repeating the same things over and over. The news isn’t too good lately anyway.  Talk about a rehash fest.  It’s nothing like the newscasters of old who actually seemed qualified  to comment on the World’s events.

Image representing Twitter as depicted in Crun...

Image via CrunchBase

Tonight, I listened to Kim and  whoever Khardasian live in Miami.  They eat at fancy restaurants, and run around being famous.  I won’t even tell you what they were discussing on the show tonight. It was too gross.

The husband of one of the sisters seems as dumb as a box of rocks. However, I guess he’s smart enough to live with the Khardasian’s and just play. He doesn’t seem to have a job or anything like that. He also was harassing his girlfriend (a Khardasian)  because she weighed 115 pounds instead of 95. She hadn’t taken off her “baby weight” yet. Yes, they have two children, of course, they’re not married.  I am guessing they deserve each other.

I know the Khardasians are wildly popular and have tons of followers on Twitter. Why is this? They are attractive girls, but exactly what do they do?  I guess their show gives the viewers a chance to pretend they’re famous for doing absolutely nothing. What would it be like to have all that money?

I realized that I must be out of touch with society if this is what is going on in real life. Are people really acting like this?  This TV watching was even worse than the Fox channel which I didn’t think was possible.

Then I watched ( and listened) to  some other disgusting shows. They weren’t trying to be reality shows.  Writers actually write this stuff. Are they high on drugs or drunk when they do this?

All they were talking about was sex. How to do it, and who to do it with, what positions to use. They also loved describing body parts. It reminded me of a sophisticated version of sixth grade jokes.  I didn’t get much of a story going on here. Many of the characters were shallow, superficial, and not very likable.

I didn’t get any inspiring type of messages, or positive feelings.
One of the shows I do  watch is “Shameless”, but some of the stuff is getting to rank for me. I will probably keep watching it because there is enough good acting  going on to keep me interested. They do touch on some issues.  Some of the story lines turn me off. (An Indian with a sexual perversion problem, a daughter using her mother to help her have a baby.) Maybe I’m missing something.

Am I just getting old, or has the morality of society really gone down the tubes. It doesn’t seem that we can get much lower than this.

I’m thinking maybe I’d be better off without TV.   But, like many people, I am addicted.  I guess that makes me no better than Kim and her sister taking Miami or whatever they were supposed to be doing.

What do you think about TV?