Dr. Phil’s show is sordid, but sometimes nuggets of wisdom emerge

An icon illustrating a parent and child

An icon illustrating a parent and child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I hate to admit this, but I do sometimes turn on the Dr. Phil. TV show.  It’s really sordid. Sometimes,  I wonder if his guests are merely actors pretending to be real people.

I didn’t fully watch his show today, but at the end of the show, he had  a psychologist on who had some good tips for listening to your kids.

Listening to your kid’s concerns and problems is one of the most important thing a parent can do.  It’s called paying attention to them.

Remembering the chaos that surrounds children makes it sometimes difficult to give them your full attention. Fulfilling their physical needs sometimes takes precedence over their emotional ones.

Today’s parents have to be exhausted. Both parents, or only a single parent,  have to work full-time jobs to make ends meet. Some parents are working more than one job. I can’t imagine how hard it would be today. Gas prices, food prices, and all those valid problems.

I think cell phones, computers, I-pads and all that technical stuff has to make it even harder to talk to your kids.  It bothers me when I’m out somewhere, and people are paying more attention to their phones than their kids. It’s a little frightening. Some of those kids have forlorn expressions on their faces.

What really bothers me when  both parties, the child and the parent, are busy on their communication devices. Then, they don’t seem to be together at all.

Tips for listening to your kids

Put all that stuff aside when your kid is talking to you. Fully look at the child. One thing the psychologist pointed out is that children can read your body language and your facial expressions. They’re going to pick up on whether you’re really listening.

Do reflective listening. See if you can tell how the child is feeling. Reflect this back by saying, “I know you’re feeling hurt, or I think you’re feeling…… Don’t make it phony. (I had a friend who always used to say, “I hear you.” Finally I asked her if she’d gotten that expression in her graduate course.).

Be supportive. I think that’s also important. Try to see their side of things. Then discuss it with them. You may not agree, but at least know how they’re thinking

What do you think? How do you listen to your kids? Please don’t do it holding your i-phone!

10 reasons I don’t like it 104


Lillies (Photo credit: firexbrat)

1. It’s scary, it’s never even been 100 in Ohio! It’s been 104 for a couple of days.

2. I can’t take my 3 mile walk. Too steamy hot.

3. The electricity went off for 24 hours. Living life without TV and the internet is Hell.

4. I am hot, and I never get hot! It’s hotter than Hell! If Hell is like this, I am going to be very very good!

5. People are grumpy.

6. I don’t like to sweat. It’s messy.

7. My air conditioning never has gone all the way to my upstairs, and I like to sleep covered with blankets. I also am a big cuddler, but not in the heat!

8. I can’t ride my bike, cause I’ll get dizzy and pass out. (Almost did! )

9. My flowers aren’t happy. (They refuse to bloom like usual…my Day Lillie are pretty upset. They’re all closed up.

10. There are little noisy creatures swimming in the indoor pool at my Health club. I think they refer to them as children.

Do you gossip or commit Loshon Hora?

I took this list off of my mother’s refrigerator after she passed away. Maybe it’s the most valuable thing she left me.

Being human, I have committed Loshon Hora, otherwise known as gossip. At times, it’s come back to haunt me. I’m sure everyone has had the same experience.

This list was Sponsored by Aish Ha Torah. They are an orthodox Jewish organization.

"Treasure" by Alfred Tibor, sculptor living in Columbus, Ohio.

However, they did not think Loshon Hora up.  It’s been a part of Jewish tradition for centuries. I first learned about it when taking a class at a Reform synagogue.

The Ten rules of Loshon Hora

1. Say only positive statements. Derogatory statements, even if true, are forbidden.

2. Promote people’s well being. Any statement that can cause someone physical, financial, or emotional harm is also loshon hora.

3. Humor is great, but make sure jokes aren’t at someone else’s expense.

4.Be kind to yourself. speaking badly even about yourself is loshon hora

5.Loshon hora cannot be communicated in any manner, be it through writing, body language or verbal hints.

6. It is loshon hora to speak against a community or to make harmful remarks about children—even your own.

7.Communicate with your spouse, but not loshon hora

8, It is forbidden to listen to loshon hora

9. Always give people the benefit of the doubt.

10. Loshon hora is permitted, or even required when warning a person about potential harm, for example, a potential business or marriage partner.

At the end of the list it says, “Words can hurt. Words can heal”

Do you think these rules pertain to today’s society?  Do you engage in gossip? What do you think would happen if everyone followed these rules?

Aren’t we getting more gossipy as time goes on? Turn on the Fox Channel or CNN and you will be listening to nothing but gossip! Is news gossip?

If you think the list for Loshon Hora is valuable, feel free to share it.