Dr. Phil’s show is sordid, but sometimes nuggets of wisdom emerge


An icon illustrating a parent and child

An icon illustrating a parent and child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I hate to admit this, but I do sometimes turn on the Dr. Phil. TV show.  It’s really sordid. Sometimes,  I wonder if his guests are merely actors pretending to be real people.

I didn’t fully watch his show today, but at the end of the show, he had  a psychologist on who had some good tips for listening to your kids.

Listening to your kid’s concerns and problems is one of the most important thing a parent can do.  It’s called paying attention to them.

Remembering the chaos that surrounds children makes it sometimes difficult to give them your full attention. Fulfilling their physical needs sometimes takes precedence over their emotional ones.

Today’s parents have to be exhausted. Both parents, or only a single parent,  have to work full-time jobs to make ends meet. Some parents are working more than one job. I can’t imagine how hard it would be today. Gas prices, food prices, and all those valid problems.

I think cell phones, computers, I-pads and all that technical stuff has to make it even harder to talk to your kids.  It bothers me when I’m out somewhere, and people are paying more attention to their phones than their kids. It’s a little frightening. Some of those kids have forlorn expressions on their faces.

What really bothers me when  both parties, the child and the parent, are busy on their communication devices. Then, they don’t seem to be together at all.

Tips for listening to your kids

Put all that stuff aside when your kid is talking to you. Fully look at the child. One thing the psychologist pointed out is that children can read your body language and your facial expressions. They’re going to pick up on whether you’re really listening.

Do reflective listening. See if you can tell how the child is feeling. Reflect this back by saying, “I know you’re feeling hurt, or I think you’re feeling…… Don’t make it phony. (I had a friend who always used to say, “I hear you.” Finally I asked her if she’d gotten that expression in her graduate course.).

Be supportive. I think that’s also important. Try to see their side of things. Then discuss it with them. You may not agree, but at least know how they’re thinking

What do you think? How do you listen to your kids? Please don’t do it holding your i-phone!

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Why did this happen to the victims in Aurora, Colorado? Will we ever know?


Joker (comics)

Joker (comics) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What happened to the quiet guy from Colorado. Was he evil, or sick? Will we ever know? Is there such a thing as evil? Where does it lurk?

The shooter, James Holmes, apparently broke with reality. Did he think he was “The Joker” from Batman? What would cause someone to be filled with such rage? What should happen to people like this?

Now there’s a lot of speculation that he was suffering from schizophrenia. It makes sense. Why else would anyone do something like that? He is the right age, and  maybe he got stressed during his PhD program. Nobody’s talking. He doesn’t sound like the typical mass murderer type. Except that he tended to be quiet. Why was he studying neuroscience? Was he trying to figure himself out? Shouldn’t he have realized he needed help?

isn’t it sad that there is a profile of a mass murderer we’re all familiar with?

He even worked with Big Brothers and Sisters when he was a teenager.

But what good is this guy’s life? Look at the horrible thing he did.

He’ll probably spend the rest of his life languishing in a mental institution.

It’s enough to make you believe in the death penalty.

But, I can’t help feeling a little sorry for him. He couldn’t have been in his right mind. What about his parents? Their lives are destroyed.

It’s too bad all those nasty weapons are legal. Aren’t we all responsible for letting this go on? Anyone can get those assault weapons.

How about all the violence on TV, movies and in Video games. Who is responsible for that?

PS: After watching CNN’s Anderson Cooper who focused on the victims, I don’t feel sorry for the shooter. He’s done too much destruction and yes, evil.

What do you think?