21st Century Observations


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A lovely California wedding


 May 7 didn’t start out as a usual day. What was different? My husband and I were  going to spend the next few days celebrating our  son’s impending marriage.

When I got off the plane at The Bob Hope Airport in  Burbank, California, the weather wasn’t wedding friendly. It was a drab, cold day. Was this a joke? Isn’t it a rule that the sun is always supposed to shine in California?

So, after rolling our suitcases for at least a mile, (Okay a 1/8 of a mile that seemed like 5 miles), we  rented a car at the airport and headed to Hollywood. My son lives there, and booked us a room at a Best Western “Hollywood Hotel.”

Hundreds of movie stars were permanently residing at this hotel. Unfortunately, most  of them are no longer with us, but their likenesses and autographs were everywhere: the elevator, the bedroom, the hotel walls, and even the bathroom.  Marilyn Monroe, Cary Grant, Ava Gardner, Frank Sinatra, John Wayne are only a few of the featured principals. Millenials wouldn’t have a clue to some of their names. “Fame is fleeting.”

I encountered the other two wedding guests in the hotel lobby, my lovely daughters. ( My son-in-law and grandson could not attend). My mind’s eye flashed back to 1982. I saw myself and three little children going around the neighborhood block; my eldest daughter leading the way,  pedaling her shiny, blue, two-wheeler with training wheels, and her brother and sister in the double stroller. After a few seconds I catapulted back into the 21st century. In front of me I saw three responsible likeable adults.

The next day the family headed toward Santa Barbara, the wedding destination. I thought, how can this be bad when the place and I share the name, Barbara? The place is breathtaking. How can you go wrong with the Pacific Ocean, and mountains, and no honky-tonk; The shopping area is away from the beach and is very quaint.

My son’s  future wife is English and is a woman with good looks and spirit.  With her English accent, she sounds so “proper.”  Many things are “lovely.” During one of our conversations, we learned that people often wear hats to weddings in the UK.

The next day we got up, and went to the shopping district sans the bride and groom. One of my daughters saw a hat shop, and suggested we make it a “proper” English wedding. We happily tried on hats for an hour. I almost bought one of those english hats that they wore to Kate and Will’s wedding, but I figured the royals aren’t going to invite me, so  I settled on an American style  floppy white one.

Finally, the day of the wedding arrived. We arrived at the beach where the wedding was going to take place. It was an idyllic setting.The officiate, wearing an appropriate white blouse and black slacks arrived and told us where to stand.( Nobody minded the cute little dogs walking the beach with their owners.)

As if on cue, the sun decided to shine. It was like an old-fashioned film. (The era before they blew up buildings, people and chased each other in moving cars.)

The officiate earnestly performed the ceremony she’d written, based on the information the bride and groom gave her. She brought up William Shakespeare and his views on marriage. She also acknowledged our long 42-year old marriage. My daughter-in-law picked her parent’s wedding anniversary to marry. What a tribute!

Finally, they exchanged unique rings flown in from Hawaii. They were finally man and wife. The passionate kiss after the pronouncement made it official.

The small intimate wedding they planned together was lovely.

10 good reasons to have children


Cute Kids in Children's Costumes

Cute Kids in Children’s Costumes (Photo credit: epSos.de)

1. You are patient, kind, and love children. You find them fascinating and fun.

2. You have a strong marriage or relationship  and want to share your happiness by having children.

If you’re single, independent and secure,  that may work too.  (I’d like to hear from you if you’ve accomplished that.)

3. You are a mature adult, and can put yourself second to others. It is amazing how you can have room to love your children. It’s a great feeling, natures’ way of putting you lower on the totem pole.

4. You like to get on the floor and play. It doesn’t hurt if you like play-doh, paint, and all that fun stuff. How about those little people toys?

5. You like fun activities like going out to the zoo, dressing up, and watching plays.( Ones they put on), There’s nothing like seeing activities through a child’s eyes for the first time. How about the surprise and delight when they get on that merry-go-round for the first time?   It’s like being a child yourself….all over again.

6, You aren’t having a child to recreate your life. They are not there to give you a second chance at athletics, academics, or a social life.  (Please don’t yell at your kid when they’re playing sports.)

7.You don’t care about having the best clothes, vacations, etc. Unless you are wealthy, of course!

8. You don’t mind tending the sick occasionally. It comes with the job description. Have a relief person when you get sick yourself.

9. You don’t mind being a disciplinarian. It is necessary. It’s the hardest part about being a parent.

10. Be prepared for your heart to break when they get more independent, and would rather spend time with their peers. You’re only a hero to them for part of the time.( When they get older and realize your human too, it’s always a little sad. )

Was I good at all these things? I would have to say no. . My report card would show I had weaknesses and strengths, like anyone.  But, these are conclusions I came to when all was said and done.

Maybe it can help you.

Anything to add? Disagreements? Please comment!

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10 Good reasons not to have children….some observations from a mature woman


Child 1

Child 1 (Photo credit: Tony Trần)

Let me clarify this by saying, I liked being a parent, but I’ve seen other people who shouldn’t have even thought about it for a moment.

As my children will tell you, I was not perfect, but I did my best. (Besides I had a husband who was very well-suited for the job.) I think it always helps when there are two of you, but I guess it’s not necessary.

Here are my observations. I can do this because I am very mature, and don’t care what anyone thinks.

I invite you to agree or disagree with me!

Don’t have kids if…..

1. You are basically selfish. There’s no room for selfishness here, only unselfishness.

2. You are trying to save your marriage. Children will topple over a shaky marriage, and it’s not fair to bring them into a bad situation. Only bring children into a good situation.

3. You are lonely…. get a dog or cat instead. They can’t speak, and will give you unconditional love.

4. You have a low-level of frustration. Nothing will try your patience more than little kids. Your frustration will plunge to depths you didn’t know existed. (However, if you’re lucky their cuteness will keep you from losing it altogether. I guess it’s nature’s way.)

5. You just want to dress them up like a little doll. Chances are they won’t share your taste. This preference for clothing shows up quite early in life. When they figure out what you like, they’ll go the opposite direction. (Besides when they’re infants they may spit up on the outfit.)

6. You are lonely. Don’t put another person in charge of keeping you from loneliness. It isn’t fair, and it doesn’t really work.  (Have you seen Octomom, she looks very busy! As you can see if you read the link attached to this, she’s resorted to porn.)

7.  You want to live as a millionaire. (Does this really need an explanation?)

8.  You want a friend . Good parents look at their children as their responsibilities not as friends. You want to fit in with your friends who have children. Your children might not get along with your friend’s kids. Then, you won’t see them at all.

9, You want someone to give you comfort in your old age. Sometimes that works, other times, they may live on the other side of the world. You shouldn’t bring people into the world to take care of you.

10. You freak out when you hear a lot of noise, or smell unpleasant odors.  Be prepared to be around a lot of noise and smells, at least in the formatiive years.  Sitting in a quiet odorless room may be a rare pleasure.

Any additions to this list. Feel free!

Obama comes out for same sex marriage


Same Sex Marriage

Same Sex Marriage (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Good for Obama for supporting same-sex marriage.

This is not something I spend a lot of time thinking about. I say,” live and let live.’ I don’t know why anyone cares so much about what other people do. If they’re not hurting you, let them do whatever they want.

Now the politicians are going to spend a lot of time focusing on this issue, not the ones  affecting everyone.  Like the economy, jobs and health care.

Tonight I watched people discussing this on TV.

Paul Belgala, one of the talking heads said he thinks it will hurt Obama politically. He thinks it will hurt Obama with older voters, and help with younger voters. I think he may be surprised about that. I think plenty of baby boomers share my feelings.

They showed a clip of Mitt Romney saying, ” I believe marriage should take place between a man and a woman.” I’m all for that. I’ve been in one for a long time. It works for me.

I was in a chorus with a lot of gay woman. They were just as happy in their same-sex marriages. It worked for them. They had very well-adjusted kids too. What’s better than having 2 loving mothers,  2 loving fathers, or a mother and a father?

I think it’s nice if anyone can stay married for longer than a few years. I think it’s nice if anyone gets married at all. I think the challenge is staying married.

I myself, do not take this story literally. But, there are plenty of people who do. I expect to hear from some of them.

What do you think?

Will Angelina and Brad ever tie the knot?


Angelina and Brad are finally getting engaged

  Is the world totally upside down these days?

These people already have six kids, three biological and three adopted. I love this part–their kids want them to get married. Now, that’s a switch.

My guess is they’re never going to make it to the altar. If you ask me, these two beautiful people are a little bit messed up. I have a sneaking suspicion Brad isn’t all that much into Angie.  Let’s face it, she wore a blood vial around her neck when she was married to Billy Bob Thornton, and gave her brother a too sexy kiss when she won an Academy Award.  She’s also rumored to have an affinity for knives.

I think Brad is just in over his head. But, he’s probably just as peculiar or he wouldn’t have been attracted to oddball Angie in the first place. Maybe he does strange things behind closed doors. But, he is still pretty cute, so who cares?

Life is Different in the 21st Century

Things have changed since I was a young woman. In those days, we’d get married, and then have children.  A lot of people ended up getting divorced. The children of those divorced couples are not exactly eager to get into a painful situation.

A current statistic said, “60% of engaged couples live together before getting married. I am subscribing to the theory that it really works. You might as well see what you’re getting into before make the final committment.

But, I don’t think it’s a great idea to have kids before you’re married. It still leaves the woman in a bad situation if the guy decides to take off. (Just like in the good old days.)   You hear a lot about single mothers, but not so much about single fathers. Do women lose if they are not legally bound to their boyfriends?

What do you think?

Are woman being taken advantage of?  Have things really changed that much? Do you think things will ever go back to the good old days?(I’m not so sure they were so good).

Actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt at the 81s...

Actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt at the 81st Academy Awards (Photo credit: Wikipedia)