A Holocaust Survivor’s Story

My best friend growing up, Ellen Jacob, had parents who had both been in the Holocaust. I knew Ellen was very close to her father. Every time I would see Mr. Nebel, he seemed kind, and I liked him.

I was really impressed with some of the things Ellen had at her house. When I would ask her about something, she would say, “Oh my Dad made that.” Even as a silly teenager who wasn’t very materialistic,  the furniture made an impression on me. After watching this video, I realize where he first learned his craft.

Yom Kipper, an important holiday on the Jewish calendar, is coming this week. It’s about forgiveness. It’s a time to forgive others and yourself.

Mr. Nebel passed long ago, and this interview, edited by Ellen, is quite emotional.

You will have to click on the link to get to it. It is worth your time, especially if you don’t know much about the Holocaust. As the years pass, the Holocaust gets

A picture of Holocaust victims from Poland.

further and further away from us. It is a cautionary tale everyone should know about.

https://www.facebook.com/ellen.b.jacob/videos/10205049160737263/

 

A biography by Barbara A. Topolosky

Ruth Stone’s Biography

by Barbara Topolosky

I decided that writing biographies might be a good thing to do for people.

Haven’t you always wanted to know details about your relative’s life. Here’s a chance for you to get those details.

I can scan photos, make a CD of this, or write a book.

If you’re interested contact me at Btopolo5@me.com

The Girls: Women who have been friends for over 66 years!

“The Girls” l-r Top row Ida, Florlyn
Bottom Row: Late Ruth Stern, Ruth Stone

This article originally appeared in The New Standard a Columbus, Ohio, paper. I feel it’s worth revisiting.

The Girls

How many people can say they’ve been friends for sixty-five plus years. Five women in Columbus can say that because that’s how long they’ve been meeting at each others homes. They call themselves “the girls,” although some of them have adult grandchildren and are great-grandmothers.

The girls started in the early 40‘s but nobody is sure of the exact date. Back then, they were young women who had met at school, and Junior Hadassah. Hadassah is the organization that raises money for hospitals in Israel, and is an important part of the Jewish community today.

The original girls were: Florlyn Rinkov Freedman,Ida Wolpert Gordon, Ruth Mathless Stern, Ruth Berliner Stone, and Fanny Shenker Tobias.  Original members who are not longer living are: Miriam Carlstein Goodman, Joan Mathless Hattenback , and Terry Feldman.

The group have been mainstays in one another’s lives, and is like a close family. It’s fun to watch them interact with each other. These women, ranging in age from late 70’s to late 80’s,  light up when they come together. You can see he group dynamics at work, and  can imagine them as young women in Hadassah going to different events together.

We met to discuss their lives together, the Jewish community they knew as young women, and what their friendship has meant to them.The women I spoke to were Florilyn, Ida, Ruth Berliner Stone, and Ruther Mathless Stern.

These women are not typical  little old ladies.” They all  have strong, engaging personalities. Florlyn is the most outspoken, Ida and Ruth Stone have definite opinions, and Ruth Stern is a good listener and only talks when she has something to say. Everyone was stylishly dressed, and still attractive.

It is remarkable that they’ve stayed in contact for so many decades. They’ve lived through many  life cycles together  —young adulthood, marriage, raising children and loss of loved ones. They have been a great support to each other.

The New Standard: How did you all get together?

Ida: We started meeting in about 1945. We were an offshoot of Hadassah. We started meeting in the evening, just to socialize. It was a way of getting out and about. None of us were card players, so we decided just to talk and have a snack together.

Ruth Stone: We really liked each other. We were all single and independent at the time.   Everyone did eventually get married. Some of us moved away and came back. I lived in San Diego for two years, and meeting with the girls was something I really missed.

Florlyn I left Columbus in 1946 to go to the Pentagon to work for the Defense Department.  I came home, and ended my 38 year career in Columbus, and helped raise a younger brother. I was a career gal, and didn’t get married until I was 40. I’ve always considered myself a bit of a rebel. I love meeting with the group.

  Ida:I missed the group when my husband and I were living as snowbirds in Florida.  We lived there for 18 years.  I came back to Columbus for a short while, and now live in Cleveland. My husband and I owned Gordon Jewelers together when we lived in Columbus.

Ruth Stone: We talk to Ida on the phone when we meet.  We’ve been meeting every other Monday or Tuesday for 65 years.

The New Standard: What was the Columbus Jewish Community like when you were growing up?

Florlyn: I imagine there were about 10,000 to 15,000 people.  The Jewish population was all centered in the Southeast and most of us went to South and East High schools. We had a lot more butchers at the time. I remember when my mother bought live chickens. She had to take it to the kosher slaughterer.

All reminiscing:  There was Martins, Mendleman, Briar Center, Bornsteins and Heps. A good deli was Krolls.

Ruth Stone: Our parents kept kosher, and we attended shul on Friday nights.

Florlyn: In my family, we rode on Shabbos. We weren’t allowed to go out with non-Jewish guys in those days. I remember when we went to my uncle’s on Passover, and didn’t come home until it was very late.

The New Standard: What are some of the best times you’ve had together?

Ruth Stone:  We went to Hadassah conventions together. One time we went to Louisville for “Kentucky Derby Day.” We had a terrific time. There were soliders that came over from Fort Knox. We went to a dance with them that night.

Florlyn: It was 1949. I was the only one who had a car. We met other Hadassah people. I remember a regional we went to in Pittsburgh. It was so much fun.

The New Standard:  How have you helped each other through losses?
Ruth Stone: We’re good friends. We maintained our friendship through all these decades. Knowing hou have friends that have been through a lot of the same things is comforting.

Florlyn: It’s kind of a support. We get together every couple of weeks. It’s good to get out and see people who have been through our history.

Ruth Stern:  It’s a good habit.

The New Standard: Is Judaism still as important to you as it was when you were growing up?

All: Yes
Florlyn: It gives me an inner feeling.
Ruth Stone: It’s a comfortable way of life

  Ruth Stern: I enjoy the Sabbath Service

All of them still light Sabbath candles.

The New Standard: All of you are very vibrant women, even today. What do you attribute that to?

Ruth Stone: I am definitely an optimistic person. I don’t want to dwell on bad things.

Ruth Stern: I bowl, keep busy, go to a book club, and don’t watch daytime TV.

Ida: Getting out and trying new things is important. I didn’t know I was good at art until I took an art class,  and now some of my art is being displayed at an art show.

Florlyn: We are a good support system for each other. Good attitude is the most important thing. I exercised and I still want to do it. I know I can overcome obstacles one way or the other. Getting out and meeting people is important, even if it’s the same people! Each day that is behind you can’t be relived. The future has to be better.

*Ruth Stern passed away this year.

To read more of my articles, go to http:// http://www.thenewstandardonline.com. I’ve written in each edition.  Just hit the archive button, and you will find them.

Saying goodbye to a friend, Barbara Perrin

I got the news of my friend’s death through an email. That is now life in the 21st century. In case you may have known her, her name was Barbara Perrin. Maybe you ran across her in the writing community.

My friend wasn’t my closest friend. We didn’t call each other on a regular basis, or go many places together. But, the relationship was getting warmer. She had a subtle sense of humor.

We attended a 3 day writers group together several months ago. We talked and talked in the hotel room. She was really proud of her son.  I felt like I could tell her anything. How many people can you trust like that?

I met her at a  casual writer’s group several years ago. She’d come every week, all the way from Westerville, Ohio to Reynoldsburg, Ohio. I could depend on her walking in every Thursday, getting some coffee, and sitting down at the table in the back of the room.

She was an editor by trade, and edited some things I wrote. It was something you’d expect someone to charge for, but she generously did it for free. I learned more than a few things from her.

She was a kind and gentle person, one who knew how to be tactful and get along with others. She seemed to have all the patience in the world.

Her stories were really different, and she had a wonderful way with words.  Her stories were about different types of things from an angle you wouldn’t expect. They were quite artistic. One of her stories was published in the last Columbus Creative Cooperative, and she was so excited about it. The editors were looking forward to the one she was writing for the Bicentennial edition.

When they didn’t receive it, they kept trying to contact her. Her only son called them, and gave them the news. That’s why I found out about it through email. The editor sent out the news to everyone who belongs to the group.

There was no obituary in the newspaper. She died like she lived, quietly.

Today, I went to the writer’s group where I met her.  Only one other person who knew her was there.  I missed her so much, especially her kind blue eyes. The group, like all things, changes with time. Both of us felt so  sad about her death.

She was missing. And the fact is she’s not coming back. We both kept hoping maybe she’d show up, although we knew it wasn’t logical or possible.

That is what happens when someone dies  They are missing.

Barbara Perrin is in the top row on the right. She’s wearing denim and a scarf.

Rest in peace.

Harmony Project #3

The Harmony project is based in Columbus, Ohio. It’s founder, David Brown, doesn’t just talk about helping. He does it, and finds other people to “pay it forward.” One way we do this is by singing in a choir. It’s 200 voices, and we’re performing on July 18, and 19th at the Southern Theater.

Some people think ending homelessness is a big dream, almost like ending wars. Here is a story about a woman, who works for the Columbus Shelter Board, who sees ending homelessness as a real possibility. Wouldn’t be great if more people cared enough to do what she’s doing? That takes some kind of heart, and she has it.

She’s also a member of the Harmony Project. She likes to sing, and be a part of the chorus too!

Hear her story!

The Harmony Project gives me joy! Stay tuned…

This a wonderful project in Columbus, Ohio. I’ve been involved with it for two years. I get to sing on stages like The Southern Theater, Lincoln Theater, and all over Columbus. The ticket sales raise money for different philanthropic endeavors in the city. It’s great fun, and it definitely brings me joy!

Next, we get to sing with The Columbus Jazz Orchestra.

The person narrating the video is David Brown, the leader of this whole project. It’s been a terrific experience. He is like the Pied Piper!

Watch the video. It’ll tell something about this project. This is a series of videos. This is the first one. Please share!

The top 20 reasons why it’s fun to be retired and 60+ years old.

Someone asked me if I really thought there was joy at 60, and I started to think about it. Do I really appreciate being older? In my case, the answer is a resounding yes!

1. You don’t have to worry so much about your looks. (I’ve always prided myself on wysiwyg) Okay, I have invested in makeup, but I don’t always use it.

2. You dont have to worry about finding a career. If you haven’t gotten a career by this time, you’re not going to find one. It’s free choice. If you want to change what you’re doing you can. (You can see old rock stars and feel 25 again for a few hours.)

Image via Wikipedia

3. . You don’t have to spend a lot of money on clothes because  you are not out working, and people don’t care what you’re wearing anyway.

4. You don’t care what people think about you as much as you did when you were younger.

5. It doesn’t matter how you look in a bathing suit, because who really looks at 60+ women instead of other 60+ women, and most available men your age go for younger women anyway.

6. If you want to take a college course, you can take whatever you want for free at most universities. Not only that, you can audit it, and not do all the homework. You can study whatever you interested in studying about.

7. You can volunteer anywhere you want. No supervisor is going to harangue you because you’re doing it for free in the first place.

8. You can exercise whenever you want. It’s a great way to meet people.

9. You can pick a time to go shopping, and you don’t have to put up with crowds.

10. If it’s a nice day, you can go outside to take a walk without asking anybody’s permission

11. If you have a loved one, you can spend time with them without worrying about taking the children to all their activities. You don’t have to help anyone with homework either, or put up with the public school system.

12. If you’re lucky enough to have grandchildren, you can send them home whenever they are getting on your last nerve. You can play rent-a-kid with them.

13. You can attend a restaurant in peace. You don’t have to worry about what mood your children are in.

14. You don’t have to get up at 6 AM to go to work, and can sleep as late as you want!

15. You can take off on the spur of the moment. This leads to more spontaneity in your life.

16. You can take senior trips, and some of them are very cool.

17.When you pick a movie, it can be one that you’re interested in. It doesn’t have to have car chases, violence, ninja turtle-type characters.

18.You don’t have to put up with over-night pajama parties.

19.You can socialize with your kids who are now old enough to turn into real friends.

20. After you do all these things you are less stressed so go buy a new outfit, put on makeup, and still look young and sexy!

My First Experience at a Women Writer’s Retreat

You’re never too old to learn new things. I put this on my Facebook page, and it’s something I live by. Just because you’re older, don’t give up on educating yourself.

I just attended Deanna Adam’s, ” Sixth Annual Women Writers Winter Retreat”. It was in Willoughby, Ohio, a perfect setting. Women of all ages and ability levels attended this retreat (You didn’t  have to be Anne Tyler  or  Alice Hoffman to qualify for this retreat.) Women stayed in a bed and breakfast, and a charming hotel.

Imagine spending three days with  17 women whose commonality is a love of writing! How about listening to successful authors who have already made it in the writing world.  Speakers included: Joyce Dyer, Sandra Gurvis, and Julianne Lindsay. They represented different venues of writing, and they all were happy to share their knowledge.

With the advent of self-publishing and e-books people who have a story to say, can write it, and easily get it published. It’s a wide-open market. “If your story isn’t well-written and interesting  it probably won’t succeed,” said author Sandra Gurvis.

Spending three days discussing and learning was great. Not to mention breaking bread with everyone.

If you have a passion, investigate it. See if there is anyone else who shares your passions. Groups are forming all over the internet. In some cases, there are chances to meet in person.

Like anything else, you have to make an effort! Go for it.

Women bonding at Deanna Adams Sixth Annual Winter Retreat!

Good friends can bring you joy

The older you get, the more you realize material possessions don’t mean much. You get a new car, it smells new, it’s pretty and in 20 minutes you’re used to it. You get some new clothes, you wear them once and you’re used to them.

You buy a new pair of earrings or necklace. People are  really complimenting them, not you. You’re not shining any more naturally, so you need a little help.

There is nothing like good friends. If you find good people to surround yourself with it’s worth more than material possessions can ever mean. They will listen to you when you’re in pain, they will keep you going through tough times. Laughing is a good thing to do with a friend.

Sometimes, if they’re friends you’ve had for a long time, you share a history. Treasure those friends because they’re few and far between.

Instead of looking for possessions to make you happy, look for friends. If you choose carefully, you will not get tired of them. They can keep you happy for decades.

When you’re older, sometimes you have to push yourself to meet people. There are places to go where you can meet people. There are  tons of meetups online, http//www.meetup.com.,  where people go to meet people.  I’ve joined several, and the people are great. If you share an interest, age doesn’t really matter.

Most universities have programs for senior citizens. If your 60, you can audit classes for free. What’s better then learning something new, and not having to worry about the grades your getting? Learning for the sake of learning. It’s a great way to meet people too!

I went to a writer’s conference at a community college. I was worried about being the oldest one there. I fit right in! Everyone was about my age. I felt comfortable, and  I made some great contacts.

There are Senior Centers where you can do activities: exercise, painting, dance, and all kinds of activities. You might think that’s just for old people, but take a look in the mirror.  Sometimes the people there might be the same age as you. You never know unless you try!

Columbus, Ohio, has a cultural arts center. They have great facilities for making jewelry, taking painting classes, pottery, and every mode of art that you can imagine. I’m sure there’s places like that nation-wide.

Not to mention exercise. That can do so much for you. It makes you feel terrific.   Join a health club. If you can’t lift weights, or play tennis anymore, you can go into the pool. There’s water aerobics, and even water bikes. Attend a cycling class ―in the water! After you work off all those calories, go to lunch together.

Why is it so difficult to admit you’re older? Baby boomers are such a large part of the population. We’ve made so many things cool and great. Why not make getting older the thing to do, and making and keeping friends a cool great thing to do!

Volunteering can bring you joy!

Retirement wasn’t sitting too well with me. I was bored stiff. I decided to answer a volunteer advertisement I found in a community newspaper. It didn’t specify what it was, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to check it out.

When I got there, I found out it was a Hospice organization. I decided to attend the training sessions. After completing the training, I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to volunteer directly with the clients.

My role would be to visit people, and comfort them. Although I felt confident in that role, my mother had recently died, and I didn’t know if it was too soon after her death. I was afraid it would make me miss her even more than I already did.

I didn’t know if I wanted to confront dying people. Would it be too much of an intrusion on their privacy to be a witness to their last days on earth? How would I feel about a complete stranger visiting me when I was at my worst? I thought about it for a couple of weeks.

One day I called up the person in charge of volunteers, and told her I was ready to give it a try. She gave me the address of a nursing home close to my house that had Hospice patients.

In less than ten minutes, I found myself in front of the nursing home for my first assignment. I nervously opened the door, and entered the bright, clean facility.  “How can I help you?” asked the young welcoming receptionist. She made me feel comfortable, and directed me to the rooms of several Hospice patients.

The first person I met was Betty. She was a heavy set African American woman who appeared to be sleeping.  “Oh, she’s not really sleeping. Betty, open your eyes!” shouted the aide. I felt like running out the door.  Betty opened one eye, and smiled.  “Hi, I’m glad to meet you. I keep my eyes closed ‘cause I can’t see out of them anyway,” said Betty.

We started talking, and became fast friends. We were different races, religions, and ages. But somehow we clicked.  I usually find Betty sitting in the TV room in the nursing home where she lives.  She’s blind, and is confined to a wheelchair.  She has a fondness for baseball caps, and I can usually spot her with her eyes closed, and leaning to one side of her chair.    It makes me happy when she says to me, “You always make me laugh.”

She tells about her travels around the world. She’d lived an exciting life. She never expected to end her life in a nursing home. She makes the best of it, and doesn’t complain. “I was at a worse one before this. There were rats running around,” she said

She outlived three husbands. She misses her last husband most of all. “Oh, I loved that man.” she says “He used to hold me so tight.” Thats a cue for me to give her a big hug, and I do.

Last December 15th was a special day for Betty. We were watching an amateur country band perform at the nursing home. They were playing happy holiday music.   Betty turned to me and said, “I want to sing the Lord’s Prayer.”  I knew Betty had been the soloist at her church for many years.

I approached the leader of the group “One of the clients wants to sing “The Lord’s Prayer”. What do you think?” I asked.   “Just wait a few minutes,”he said.

He finally called us over, and I wheeled her toward the band. He handed me a microphone and I placed it under her mouth. She sat up as straight as she could. and began to sing. Her voice started out soft, but soon gained strength. Suddenly, she wasn’t an ailing woman unable to sit up straight in her wheelchair. Once again, she was the soloist of a church choir talking to her God. The others sitting in the audience weren’t nursing home patients— they were the congregation.

Astounded aides were starring at her with big smiles on their faces.   “That’s it, Betty,” said one. “That’s it.”

That moment will always be frozen in my memory.

“I was kinda loud wasn’t I?” she asked.  She hadn’t realized I’d been holding a microphone for her.

Like a typical musician she said, “I have to practice; did I sound all right?”

Now, it seems like that moment took place in another lifetime, although it was only a year ago.

Betty isn’t getting any better, and I realize the end is coming. So, I go over there more often than I did before. I read her stories, or play her songs on a CD player.

Even if a life is diminishing, people still need to know that they matter. Some people want no part of visiting ill people, especially ones who are not going to be with us much longer. But those are the ones who need us the most.  The truth is that when you give of yourself—you receive so much more

Postscript:   I found out that sometimes people can qualify for Hospice for several years. They can reapply after six months. My friendship with Betty lasted  for two years, long enough for me to get to really know her. She passed away several years ago, but at least I think I brightened up her life a little at the end.