God, If You’re Not up There, I’m F*cked : A Review: A story about Darrell Hammond


 

 

Comedian Darrell Hammond on stage.

Comedian Darrell Hammond on stage. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Saturday Night Live (season 9)

Saturday Night Live (season 9) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

God, If You’re Not Up There, I’m F*cked, opens up in a rehab facility in New York. The author, Darrell Hammond accurately describes how awful he feels. It’s a place where celebrities go to detox. It’s not the place you’d expect to find Hammond, a well-known comedian.

Hammond, is know for his masterful impersonations. If you’re a die-hard fan of Saturday Night Live, you’ve probably seen his lip-biting Bill Clinton, scowling Dick Cheney, hyper Chris Mathews and scores of other brilliant impressions.

While reading this book, you learn that being a drug addict and alcoholic is the least of Hammond’s problems. He’s been trying to figure out what’s wrong with him since he’s been 4 or 5 years old. After he hears his own child crying,  he starts having flashbacks to his frightening childhood.   It’s then that we learn about his abusive mother.

Inadvertently, she helped Hammond develop his talent. One of the things Mom liked to do was impressions of people in the neighborhood. Hammond joined right in with Mom to distract her.

Where was Hammond’s father?  Dad had his own quirks —including war post traumatic stress syndrome. Hammond and his dad share a love of baseball which brings them together.

Hammond manages to get away from his dysfunctional family and carve out a comic career for himself.

If you’re a fan of Saturday Night Live, you’ll enjoy this insider’s look at the show.

Hammond’s recovery is a work in progress, but by the end you’re cheering for him. This is a fast read, and inspirational. If you’re a little squeamish, it might not be for you.

 

Would you really want to live forever?


Today I  went to an interesting discussion class. One of the questions asked was:  “If it was possible, would you want to live forever?”

My answer, “yes, of course!” Some of the people thought there’d be too much pain involved with living into eternity. Let’s face it, no matter who you are, you’re going to get your fair share of disappointment and pain. On the other hand, you’re going to experience happiness too.

One of my beliefs is that when you are gone, that’s it. Lights out.  I don’t really believe in souls floating or going to a “better place.” I just think you cease to exist. I don’t remember the world before I was born, so I figure I won’t know about it after I’m gone.

i do like to entertain the possibility that maybe I’m wrong. Now, that would be a pleasant surprise, and I’ll be happy if I’m wrong.

I’m not afraid of dying because I know it’s part of the cycle.

There is a pre-teen book, Tuck Everlasting, which address this very issue. It’s for older kids and is excellent. It shows kids that living forever would get tiresome. Maybe so?

So, my question is this? If you had the chance, would you want to live forever?

Why or why not?

Feeling my age: I related to AARP Magazine


200

200 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been getting AARP magazine free of charge since I’ve been 50. I’m now 62. I finally opened it up and started reading it.

I found it interesting. I could relate to every single article. Now, that is frightening. However,  I don’t think I’m ready for the 24 hour alarm thing that you wear around your neck in case you fall over and can’t get up.

I think people would still say I died young if I dropped over tomorrow. So, there is still some quality life left to live.

Does that mean I’m officially a senior citizen? I guess I’ve been one for a while, but just didn’t want to admit it to myself.

In this society, it is not cool to be older. And that’s too bad.  At least I’m not alone. There’s a lot of baby boomers, so why haven’t we managed to make it a popular thing? Maybe, because none of us wants to admit they’re old.

When did I first realize people looked at me differently?

I’m trying to remember the first time I had an inkling I wasn’t a 20, 30, or 40 something. I think it was when I was substitute teaching. The kids started asking me how old I was, and when I told them they looked shocked. Some comments included “when are you going to retire?”

I noticed the teachers in the teacher’s lounge looked like they were  my kid’s ages.  (That’s because they were.)

Maybe it was when the parking attendant called me “ma’am” for the first time. When I chastised him, he said, “ma’am my mother taught me to be polite to my elders.

Maybe it was when my kids started asking me to get my hearing checked. The times they started giving me unsolicited advice. (I don’t mind, they’re pretty wise for their ages).

I knew I was in trouble when I was in line for a job, and one of the other people applying offered me a seat. She said something like, “I’m so sorry, I should’ve offered this to you 10 minutes ago.  That was at least 10 or 15 years ago. Time gets blurry, the older you get.

When I was 40, I appeared on a call- in radio show for an hour.  The DJ made me an hour-long guest because he thought I was funny to be bemoaning the fact that I was turning 40.  Now I completely get it.

So, now what?
I’m thinking I should go on an adventure trip while I can still walk fast.  I heard the senior hostel trips are fun.

Maybe it’s time to admit, I’m older, and I’m lucky I haven’t bitten the dust. I’m in pretty good health, so I better start living it up. I actually feel as good as I ever did. (Maybe the secret is going to the gym, swimming aerobics, and walking! )

But, I still can’t walk into a senior citizens center. Not yet.

Any advice for having a rip-roaring time after 60? Any good adventure trips?

I don’t trust Mitt Romney: He gives me a bad vibe


Romney

Romney (Photo credit: Talk Radio News Service)

I do not appreciate Mitt Romney’s sense of humor, and I’m hoping it helps him lose the election. Surely, other people can see through his insincerity. I do think good character is important if you’re going to be a leader.
Romney made a birther joke today. Then, he said it wasn’t aimed at President Obama.  He was in Michigan today. He said something like, “I was born in  this hospital right here, and my wife was born in another hospital nearby Nobody asked for our birth certificates.”  (That’s not the exact quote).

I guess this goes along with him putting his dog on the top of his car ( while he was driving), his remark about not worrying about the poor, and going after the guy in high school who was gay. Not to mention his views on birth control and abortion. His choice of running-mate doesn’t sit well with me either.

I consider myself a good judge of character. I don’t like his character. He’s reminds me of someone who says hurtful things, and then excuses  it by saying, “I was only kidding.”

I felt the same way about Nixon. I was right about him.

I am afraid the fickle public are going to elect this guy.

He scares me.

Time will tell

TV Reaches a new low: Nancy Grace Weighs in on Honey Boo Boo


Nancy Grace's Objection! — How High-Priced Def...

Nancy Grace’s Objection! — How High-Priced Defense Attorneys, Celebrity Defendants, and a 24/7 Media Have Hijacked Our Criminal Justice System (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You want evidence our society is in trouble? What Toddlers and Tiaras. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. The show where the wannabe mothers doll their kids up, put on make up, and sexualize them with strange costumes.

There is a new offshoot starring Honey Boo Boo, one of the little beauty queens.

I really cannot take the lawyer Nancy Grace, but I stumbled upon her show while surfing the television. Nancy Grace seems just plain mean and nasty. (Her voice modulates between nasty and overly  sweet which just seems dishonest to me.)  She claims to want to help innocent victims of crime. The former prosecutor is pretty brutal to some of her guests. I think she drove one of them to suicide.

Every once in a while she’ll be talking about a controversial subject that interests me, so I’ll watch her show. Sometimes I find her extreme behavior slightly entertaining.

She was talking about “Honey Boo Boo”, a star from Toddlers and Tiaras.  Her mother is obviously starved for attention and is using Honey Boo Boo to make a name for herself.  She is succeeding.

One of Nancy’s guests was Mike Walker from the National Enquirer, the best trashy newspaper rag out there. Why Walker was offended by Honey Boo Boo makes no sense. He makes a living digging up dirt.  He should love watching Honey Boo Boo dress up in her Dolly Parton outfit, and wiggle her little behind.

Nancy Grace  on a campaign to stop Honey Boo Boo and her mother. (You may remember Nancy on Dancing with the Stars. She wasn’t afraid to wear provocative costumes on her overweight body.)

Nancy feels that sexual pedophiles are loving this show, and might go and try to hunt these little girls down. She contends that is probably what happened to Jon Benet Ramsey, the little beauty pageant winner who was murdered. They never found her killer.

Nancy  showed a video of Honey Boo Boo dancing at a college bar on top of the bar.   She also showed her pulling up her little shirt, rubbing her  already fat naked tummy, and drinking Go Go juice, a combination of Red Bull and Mountain Dew.  Honey Boo Boo  said, “it makes me laugh, and pull mommy’s hair.” She only uses it before a performance.

Honey Boo Boo’s father, a convicted felon, is trying to take custody of her. Like Nancy Grace, he feels this is child abuse. God knows what he’s planning to do with Honey Boo Boo once he gets custody.

But as much as Nancy Grace annoys me, I have to agree with her.

If those mothers want to be glamorous strippers, they ought to lose weight, get themselves in shape and live out their dreams. There is nothing more abusive than a parent who lives out their fantasies and dreams through their children.

What they’re doing to their kids is child abuse.

What is even sadder is that Toddlers and Tiaras is TLC’s—The Learning Channels—#1 show. Honey Boo Boo is an instant hit.

One of my friends suggested that people watch those shows to make themselves feel superior. (I may be a lousy mom, but at least I don’t dress up my child, and allow them to dance on top of a bar, or walk in a sexual way.)

Do you think there is a place for kiddie beauty pageants? Do you think Honey Boo Boo’s mom loves her child more than she loves herself? Convince me I’m wrong.

Are you going to San Francisco? Scott Mckenzie dies. He sang the “Flower Children’s” Anthem


Scott McKenzie very recently passed away. He was ill. At least he didn’t die from a drug overdose. He had such a lovely clear voice. It awakened some of us living  during “the summer of love.”

This was the anthem song of  the 60’s. It made us all want to leave our safe lives and venture out to San Francisco to become “hippies”.

The dream eventually  turned into a nightmare. We were to discover that drugs didn’t really bring peace, love and happiness.  When I was recently in San Francisco, there were a few pathetic people hanging around Haight/ Ashbury . Some people got caught up in the drug scene and never left.

One of the writers of the song, John Phillips, of “The Mama and Papa’s got caught up in the drug lifestyle. His autobiography, Papa John, talked about the endless drugs, and his decadent lifestyle. He wrote the book while he was still using drugs.

Mckenzie traveled around in one of the later “Mama and Papa tours.” That tour included MacKenzie Philips who accused Papa John of some unspeakable acts in her autobiography, High on Arrival. It also included Elaine McFarlane from Spanky and Our Gang.

But, for some of us hearing this song, brings back that idealistic hopeful feeling. It seemed like life was really going to change for the better. Sometimes, I think we unleashed  a Pandora’s Box of drug use.

But maybe you caught up in the 60’s and escaped without wounds. I’d love to hear your story. If you got caught up in the drug scene, I’d love to hear about that too.

What would Jesus think? Skinny dipping in the Sea of Galillee


It seems that last August, members of congress were invited to Israel. They say they had a nice dinner and too much to drink. Twenty congressmen jumped in the Sea of Galilee. The episode was inappropriate because Kevin Yoder, a Republican congressman, decided to dive in without his swim trunks. I guess some other Republicans followed his example.

I found this on another website, so it might not be the real thing. But, you can get the idea! (credit balloon-juice.com)

All  the  petty politicians on both sides of the aisles are acting so shocked. They’ve all done a lot worse than skinny dipping in the Galilee. (I’m just guessing,so don’t quote me on that.)

These governmental representatives are really annoying, and dare I say,
not paying attention to the real issues.

I bet some of our founding fathers, like Benjamin Franklin, would’ve been happy to skinny dip. I think he would find all the politicians—on both sides of the aisle— boring and a big disappointment.

What do you think?

 

The Girls: Women who have been friends for over 66 years!


“The Girls” l-r Top row Ida, Florlyn
Bottom Row: Late Ruth Stern, Ruth Stone

This article originally appeared in The New Standard a Columbus, Ohio, paper. I feel it’s worth revisiting.

The Girls

How many people can say they’ve been friends for sixty-five plus years. Five women in Columbus can say that because that’s how long they’ve been meeting at each others homes. They call themselves “the girls,” although some of them have adult grandchildren and are great-grandmothers.

The girls started in the early 40‘s but nobody is sure of the exact date. Back then, they were young women who had met at school, and Junior Hadassah. Hadassah is the organization that raises money for hospitals in Israel, and is an important part of the Jewish community today.

The original girls were: Florlyn Rinkov Freedman,Ida Wolpert Gordon, Ruth Mathless Stern, Ruth Berliner Stone, and Fanny Shenker Tobias.  Original members who are not longer living are: Miriam Carlstein Goodman, Joan Mathless Hattenback , and Terry Feldman.

The group have been mainstays in one another’s lives, and is like a close family. It’s fun to watch them interact with each other. These women, ranging in age from late 70’s to late 80’s,  light up when they come together. You can see he group dynamics at work, and  can imagine them as young women in Hadassah going to different events together.

We met to discuss their lives together, the Jewish community they knew as young women, and what their friendship has meant to them.The women I spoke to were Florilyn, Ida, Ruth Berliner Stone, and Ruther Mathless Stern.

These women are not typical  little old ladies.” They all  have strong, engaging personalities. Florlyn is the most outspoken, Ida and Ruth Stone have definite opinions, and Ruth Stern is a good listener and only talks when she has something to say. Everyone was stylishly dressed, and still attractive.

It is remarkable that they’ve stayed in contact for so many decades. They’ve lived through many  life cycles together  —young adulthood, marriage, raising children and loss of loved ones. They have been a great support to each other.

The New Standard: How did you all get together?

Ida: We started meeting in about 1945. We were an offshoot of Hadassah. We started meeting in the evening, just to socialize. It was a way of getting out and about. None of us were card players, so we decided just to talk and have a snack together.

Ruth Stone: We really liked each other. We were all single and independent at the time.   Everyone did eventually get married. Some of us moved away and came back. I lived in San Diego for two years, and meeting with the girls was something I really missed.

Florlyn I left Columbus in 1946 to go to the Pentagon to work for the Defense Department.  I came home, and ended my 38 year career in Columbus, and helped raise a younger brother. I was a career gal, and didn’t get married until I was 40. I’ve always considered myself a bit of a rebel. I love meeting with the group.

  Ida:I missed the group when my husband and I were living as snowbirds in Florida.  We lived there for 18 years.  I came back to Columbus for a short while, and now live in Cleveland. My husband and I owned Gordon Jewelers together when we lived in Columbus.

Ruth Stone: We talk to Ida on the phone when we meet.  We’ve been meeting every other Monday or Tuesday for 65 years.

The New Standard: What was the Columbus Jewish Community like when you were growing up?

Florlyn: I imagine there were about 10,000 to 15,000 people.  The Jewish population was all centered in the Southeast and most of us went to South and East High schools. We had a lot more butchers at the time. I remember when my mother bought live chickens. She had to take it to the kosher slaughterer.

All reminiscing:  There was Martins, Mendleman, Briar Center, Bornsteins and Heps. A good deli was Krolls.

Ruth Stone: Our parents kept kosher, and we attended shul on Friday nights.

Florlyn: In my family, we rode on Shabbos. We weren’t allowed to go out with non-Jewish guys in those days. I remember when we went to my uncle’s on Passover, and didn’t come home until it was very late.

The New Standard: What are some of the best times you’ve had together?

Ruth Stone:  We went to Hadassah conventions together. One time we went to Louisville for “Kentucky Derby Day.” We had a terrific time. There were soliders that came over from Fort Knox. We went to a dance with them that night.

Florlyn: It was 1949. I was the only one who had a car. We met other Hadassah people. I remember a regional we went to in Pittsburgh. It was so much fun.

The New Standard:  How have you helped each other through losses?
Ruth Stone: We’re good friends. We maintained our friendship through all these decades. Knowing hou have friends that have been through a lot of the same things is comforting.

Florlyn: It’s kind of a support. We get together every couple of weeks. It’s good to get out and see people who have been through our history.

Ruth Stern:  It’s a good habit.

The New Standard: Is Judaism still as important to you as it was when you were growing up?

All: Yes
Florlyn: It gives me an inner feeling.
Ruth Stone: It’s a comfortable way of life

  Ruth Stern: I enjoy the Sabbath Service

All of them still light Sabbath candles.

The New Standard: All of you are very vibrant women, even today. What do you attribute that to?

Ruth Stone: I am definitely an optimistic person. I don’t want to dwell on bad things.

Ruth Stern: I bowl, keep busy, go to a book club, and don’t watch daytime TV.

Ida: Getting out and trying new things is important. I didn’t know I was good at art until I took an art class,  and now some of my art is being displayed at an art show.

Florlyn: We are a good support system for each other. Good attitude is the most important thing. I exercised and I still want to do it. I know I can overcome obstacles one way or the other. Getting out and meeting people is important, even if it’s the same people! Each day that is behind you can’t be relived. The future has to be better.

*Ruth Stern passed away this year.

To read more of my articles, go to http:// http://www.thenewstandardonline.com. I’ve written in each edition.  Just hit the archive button, and you will find them.

Visiting the real Mayberry: Mount Airy, North Carolina


My husband and two friends  were coming back from Myrtle Beach, and we decided to visit the home of Andy Griffith, Mount Airy,  North Carolina  It was the town that The Andy Griffith Show’s Mayberry  was based upon.  The four of us used to watch it every now and then.
Why did we want to go there?

I guess because we all grew up on that hokey show. I used to dismiss it as being hillbilly like and something I wasn’t interested in, but I did watch it.  It painted a picture of a really simple life: one where everyone knew everyone,  and everything had a happy ending. Like other 50’s and 60’s shows, there was a lesson to learn at the end of the show.
Andy Griffith Museum

We found an honest to goodness Andy Griffith Museum, with a statue of Opie and Andy on the outside.  There were a few flowers strewn around because Andy had died several weeks before.

Price of admission: $3.00
What I liked was Sheriff Taylor’s desk, and Barney’s suit he wore on special occasions. There are various posters, and memorabilia  of Andy’s career. Posters, and various items from his movies, “No Time for Sergeants, “A face in the Crowd” A few things from his TV show, “Matlock”. I watched it every once in a while. It’s proof that Andy did have acting ability.
While reading he memorabilia, I realized Andy had 3 wives. His first wife was his college sweetheart, but they eventually got divorced.  Maybe fame was too much for their marriage. Who knows?

We had a malt at the drugstore, where the real Andy Griffith had supposedly worked in high school. But the owner never met him although he contended that he met all the other members of the cast. The servers were wearing old 50’s clothes, a nice touch. The ice cream was good. It tasted genuine, like the town.
Recreated parts of Mayberry
You can go by the prison, the Goober’s (George Lindsay’s) filling station, and the barber shop ( Howard McNear). It was fun to get locked into the jail. (Only for a minute of course)
Going by Andy’s little house
Like all movie stars and rich people Andy had a big house somewhere else, but he kept a modest house in Mount Airy. It’s now a bed and breakfast where you can stay.
What were we looking for?
A piece of our childhood that was not real?
Aunt Bea
For this posting I did a little research about Frances Bavier, the actress who played Aunt Bea.  It was interesting to find out that the actress  At the museum I learned she  had settled into another town in North Carolina,  Siler City. Was it a case of fantasy interacting with reality? Maybe she was hoping to lead a happier life.
It was sad to find out that she’d led a lonely life.. She’d actually been a difficult actress. Later, she contacted the real Andy Griffith and apologized for her behavior.
So, in the final analysis, life wasn’t like Mayberry to the people who played the roles. Divorces and isolation had plagued them too.
I would recommend Mount Airy if you want to recapture a part of your childhood. It’ll make you feel young, and happy.  Just for a little while.

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10 symptoms of Restaurant Withdrawal


Waitresses working at Waffle House, Fort Worth...

Waitresses working at Waffle House, Fort Worth, Texas (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently I’ve stopped eating so frequently at restaurants. I am having what I call restaurant withdrawal. I’d be interested if you have experienced this trauma. Here are 10 symptoms.

Ten symptoms of Restaurant Withdrawal

1. After you wake up, you have the desire to go to the crummy Waffle house because they always say, “Good morning.”
2.You miss the lumpy booth.
3. You  ask your mate if “everything tastes good.”
4.  You want to decorate your kitchen with mismatched objects like roller skates, bikes, and pictures that make no sense and don’t go together.
5.. You find yourself buying lemons, cutting them up,  and putting them in your water. You also purchase straws to put in your soft drinks.
6. You miss a smiling server figure sincerely telling you to “have a wonderful evening.”
7. You miss having 3 portions of food at once.

King Eddie's Restaurant, 1954

King Eddie’s Restaurant, 1954 (Photo credit: Seattle Municipal Archives)

8. After the meal you have the desire to take your credit card  and pen out of your purse.
9. You want someone to gather up your dishes, and take them away.
10. You miss the rush of humanity eating separately, but together.

Have you experienced restaurant withdrawal? What are you symptoms? Have you overcome it.