Seeing my bad behavior reflected in others : It’s never too late to change!

When I was a little kid, I used to tattle on my sisters,  even when they didn’t really do anything wrong. I’d say, “mommy she’s hitting me, or pinching me, or kicking me.” Sometimes those things would happen, but more often they didn’t. After all, siblings do regularly plummet each other.

One day I was playing at a neighbor’s house. I was about 7 or 8.  I distinctly remember sitting in a treehouse.  I was listening to the little sister constantly complain about her brother. I suddenly realized that was how I was acting. It didn’t make me happy to see my own annoying behavior mirrored back at me. After that day, I stopped the tattling.

Another thing I’m still not good at is accepting apologies. My husband can say, “I’m sorry” and I still go on. I think I’ve done that with other people too.

I took me until today to realize that is not good behavior. I won’t give you the details, but I apologized to someone about a minor infraction and they were still upset.

From this day on, I will be accepting people’s apologies. Really accepting them.

Who says it’s never too late to change? I’m 63 and 1/2.

Is there a behavior you display that you can change. Did you ever have one of those wake up moments.

My two older sisters and me!

What kind of a world are we making for our children?

Another bulletin comes on the TV about another shooting, this time in a mall in Maryland.

What bothers me most about my reaction is that I’m not shocked. Shootings around this country are becoming a commonplace thing. Do you even pay attention any more when those “special bulletins” come on TV interrupting the violent program you may be watching, (You might even not be watching TV, you might be playing those realistic killer video games. ) Could there be a connection? Duh, yes.

What worries me is my little grandson. He’s so sweet and innocent. What kind of world does he have to look forward to? Is he going to have to be locked down in his house at certain times of the day.

I remember when I went to school. It was one of the safest places in the world. The thought that somebody would come in the school and harm the children was the farthest thing from anyone’s mind. Everything was orderly, and kids didn’t have to be frightened.

I did see changes come  when I was still teaching school. We had several lock downs because of the rumor of drive-by shootings. Those guns again.

Something tells me that our gun policy is not working. It’s getting more and more like the wild west every day. I’m thinking even the wild west isn’t as wild as our society is becoming these days.

I heard some conservative woman on TV suggest that we should lock more people up in mental institutions to solve this problem. As far as she could see, the problem had absolutely nothing to do with too many guns. I won’t even dignify her by mentioning her name. (She is the one with the long blonde hair and the irritating voice. )

It looks like I’m going to do most of my shopping online. I’ll try not to worry about the future. But I really wish my grandson’s mother would start thinking about the benefits of home-schooling.

Challenge for the week: Talk to a friendly stranger

Today I did something fun. I sat with a lady I didn’t know at Starbucks. There weren’t any seats and I asked if I could sit next to her.

I mentioned that when I was in Europe years ago, people sat together at tables. I found out that she was going to Germany next week, and originally lived there. She told me that she met her husband during WWII and he was a retired Air force man.  I found out she had a 17-year-old granddaughter, and was going to Europe next week. She talked about growing up in Germany. She told me a little bit about her life.

We started talking about the world situation and the trouble the military men have. Did you know the lower paid service man only make about $31,000 a year? I found out that they go on tour after tour. When they get out, they have to wait for benefits. In the old days they didn’t have to go on so many tours. I found out her husband fought in the first “Desert Storm” and was in Iraq for a year.

We also talked about other topics, and it was such an interesting conversation.  I found out her feelings about gun control. She thought it was important. She also pointed out that in some European  countries there are no guns and there is not as much violence.

It was time for me to go home, and I bid her farewell. It was time well spent.

I would’ve never known anything about this lady if I hadn’t asked if I could sit down.  Maybe she’ll find me in the cyber-world. I did tell her the name of this blog.

We’re all so connected to our phones, and our little worlds. What happened to the art of conversation? Everyone is so plugged into their own little world that we don’t look for opportunities to meet new people and learn new things.

It’s too bad. I think we’ve lost something important.

Talking about soldiers with a stranger.

Challenge for the week: take a chance and introduce yourself to a total stranger. See, if you can broaden your horizons.

You just never know what you’ll find out!

Agree or disagree?

Children grow up and become instant presto friends. There’s nothing like it!

Baloon Fun Time (Photo credit: andreasandrews)

 

Speaking from experience, once you have a child, they make it into you heart forever. There is no getting around it.  Maybe some people can forget about their kids once they reach 18, but that would be a person who doesn’t have a soul.

 

What’s great about adult children is that you can enjoy them on an adult level. Presto, you have instant friends. You will find that they might share your taste in clothes, food, and recreational activities.

 

My daughter keeps asking me if it’s weird having a grown-up daughter. The answer is no. It’s delightful.

 

The children they were stay in your memory and are in pictures, but  you readily accept them as adults.

 

It’s a plus.

 

Having children has been a fun experience for me, and an additional joy. I never expected to get all the benefits from it.

 

When they’re little, you get to experience life from their perspective. Who doesn’t enjoy watching your child ride the merry-go round for the first time? How about going to the zoo with them? There’s nothing like that first smile. Then there’s the first step. The first step away from you. But that’s your job. To help them grow up.

 

When they grow up, you can feel proud of them and share in their accomplishments and joys. That’s just as satisfying, of course, you do share in the disappointments too. That means like everything else in life, you” take the bitter with the sweet. ”

 

All in all, I think parenthood is a rewarding experience and well-worth the hard work.

 

What do you think?

 

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• Is your child growing up too fast? (insidehalton.com)
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The Movie “Quartet” is a Winner: Dustin Hoffman’s Directorial Debut at 75 Grade: A

If you’re a baby boomer or above, you’re facing some realities. You aren’t going to look like your 25 no matter how much you try. You start noticing other changes too. You get tired faster.  Some people notice a little forgetfulness creeping in. Imagine how it’s going to be in your  70’s, 80’s and 90’s.

Acceptance of very old age is beautifully portrayed in the movie, “Quartet.” It is Dustin Hoffman’s directorial debut (at 75) and he does a sensitive job. He was wise enough to do his first production with the best actors. Try Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay, Billy Connolly, and  Pauline Collins,   Even though they’re elderly, they’re effective.  Just like the characters they portray in the movie.

The movie is about people living in a retirement home for musicians,  Beecham, residents are notable instrumentalists and opera singers. They don’t sit around and play Bingo; they play and sing music. Most of it classical and operatic There is plenty of music interspersed throughout the movie. There’s some authentic singing done by some of these masterful actors, singers and instrumentalists.

One of the conflicts comes into play when a former diva Jean Horton, portrayed by Maggie Smith, has to make contact with her ex husband Reginald portrayed by Tom  Courtenay. You know it was a serious breakup by their reaction to each other.

The retirement home needs to put on a show to raise money so they can stay in business. Smith’s character doesn’t want to tarnish her reputation since she can’t hit the high notes she used to. Part of the movie deals with Jeans reluctance to perform again.

Although the movie drags a little in the beginning, it picks up speed and by middle, you’ll be completely captivated.

*If you live in Columbus, Ohio, it’s playing at The Drexel Theater in Bexley.

Stay for the credits. They have some before and after pictures of the actors.

( I attended this movie with people I’ve been singing in a choir with for over 20 years. By the end of the movie, we were joking about scoping out a retirement home now.  I couldn’t think of people I’d rather live with when  I’m really old! )

English: Dustin Hoffman at the Cannes Film Festival. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Scroll to the bottom  There’s a place for likes and comments!

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• ‘Quartet’ review: Hopeful notes on aging (sfgate.com)

The Harmony Project Singing as One Voice

The Harmony Project. We are singing Beth Neilson Chapman’s
“There is no darkness.” Photo by Paul Feeney

I’ve been in choirs all my life. I remember how happy I was the first time I officially belonged to a choir. I was in the 5th grade at Rowland Elementary school. I even remember some of the songs we sang for our program.  Miss Titus, our devoted teacher, would probably be thrilled that I remember the words to “The Erie Canal.”

I’ve been in many choirs since then. Singing makes me feel good. I like the social aspects of it too. It’s just plain fun. The Harmony Project, one of the choirs I sing in,  is something special. It’s a philanthropic group that sings and shares. Good works have been done in Columbus, Ohio, under the banner of the “Harmony Project.” We raise money, and get to give concerts too.

Choir Directors always talk about “singing with one voice.”  That is a hard thing to achieve. Sometimes, you have some frustrated singers, with better than average voices, over-singing. At times, what you end up with is  different voices, not blending at all. Sometimes, it reminds me of a competition.  If you have a skillful musical director, they won’t allow this to happen.

Last night at the Harmony Project, everyone was singing enthusiastically while they followed Musical director,  David Brown. In the middle of it all, I said to myself. Wow, this is a once in a lifetime moment. Stay  in the present, listen, to your neighbor, blend in and forget yourself.

It was one of those magical moments. One I’ll always remember. We were all one voice.

Members of The Harmony Project singing with heart and soul! From the Bill Pearsol album

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Should people ever hold grudges? Is there a time when a grudge supersedes resolving issues?

You can’t expect to live life without running into problems. Sometimes people get so frustrated, that they decide to hold a grudge.  What’s so unsettling about a grudge is that it keeps the bitter feelings alive. It hurts all parties involved every time they think about it.

According to my New Oxford  Online Dictionary a grudge is: resentment, bitterness, rancor, pique, umbrage, dissatisfaction, disgruntlement, bad feelings, hard feelings, ill feelings, ill will, animosity, antipathy, antagonism, enmity, animus; informal a chip on one’s shoulder.

We all know about grudges. A lot of times they occur between countries. Then, what we all end up is a war. It’s like we’re all little kids saying, “I’m right, and your wrong, na, na, na, na, etc! In the meantime, many innocent people are victimized. Look at all our brave soldiers that are killed fighting meaningless wars.

Alcoholics Anonymous recognizes the destructive force that grudges have. In one of the steps, people have to apologize and make amends to people they’ve hurt.

Family Grudges Occur Too Often

It’s amazing how many grudges occur within families. You often hear about brothers and sisters turning against each other. Sometimes, if happens after a parent dies and people have to decide what to do with remaining possessions or money. I’m convinced this all  emanates from childish feelings of jealousy.

I know someone who didn’t talk to his brother for 40 years because they got into a disagreement over a bottle of wine after their father’s funeral. One brother called the other cheap and poured his inexpensive bottle down the drain Unfortunately, by the time they talked one of them had Alzheimer’s Disease and didn’t even recognize his apologetic brother.  So, it never really got settled.

If a child acted like this, we’d put them both in time-out chairs.  After the time-out was over we’d have a little talk.  We would say, “Don’t call your brother cheap, and you apologize right now.”

It takes an effort

I guess if people don’t work to resolve issues, maybe their relationship was superficial in the first place. If you sincerely cared at all about the other person, you wouldn’t let your pride get in the way.

It’s true there are some relationships not worth salvaging; for example,  people who inflict serious physical and emotional damage are not worth talking to again.

Decide if it’s worth working out

If you are feuding with someone, and care about them, this is my advice: act like a grownup and resolve the issue.

You won’t be sorry. Someday, you might even forget what the fight was about, and that it ever happened.

You’re going to gain so much more than you’ll lose

What’s the silliest grudge you ever heard of? Do you ever think it’s a good idea to hold a grudge?

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What happens at a Harmony Project rehearsal? Another Harmony Project post

October 29
Tonight was another night with The Harmony Project It was also a night when storms were blowing a little stronger than usual, but nothing was going to stop me from going to that rehearsal. Good things transpire at Harmony Project Rehearsals.  I wasn’t going to miss out!

The Harmony Project is a volunteer choir that sings and shares.  Sharing is simple. You just do a volunteer project. It doesn’t require a lot of time.  At the end of a “semester,” you get to appear in a show at a great venue  in the downtown Columbus, Ohio, area.  Another bonus of being in this choir is appearing with a first class professional band with great musicians

Members of the choir love doing those shows!   It’s usually a love fest between the choir and the audience. Everyone seems to have a good time.

Tonight’s Rehearsal
I was really feeling down in the dumps when I walked in the door tonight.  I was going to sit in the back of the room. After I walked in, someone I barely knew invited me to sit down next to them.  Right away, I started feeling a little bit better.  The Idea about sitting in the back of the room was gone.  (After the rehearsal starts, we usually introduce ourselves to three people we don’t know. It takes time to know 200 people. ) After I did that, I was feeling even more upbeat.

We all started singing our first song. By the time I was done singing that song, I felt downright happy. Singing is good for the soul. There’s nothing better than singing the same words with over 200 people.

The Pied Piper of the Harmony Project
I guess you could say another one of the reasons the Harmony Project is such a success  is the Musical Director, David Brown. He is energetic and  knows how to make rehearsing fun,  and sometimes inspiring.

Tonight, one highlight was when we sang a Beth Neilson Chapman song we’re going to sing in the December show. It’s all about finding the light. The lights went out, and I thought the high winds had knocked out the power, but it was David trying to get us to concentrate on the meaning of the song.  Not only that, he pulled a member of the choir out front to share a personal experience about what it means to really see the light. She is blind, so she talked about what it means to see with your heart.

A little boy inspires me

Next thing I knew, one of the members of the choir asked, “ Is there an age limit on who can sing in the choir? We’ve got someone giving it all they got.”   I looked up and saw the most adorable little boy sitting  in an area that is above our rehearsal room.   As I watched him, I noticed how enthusiastically he was singing along. I knew he must be a choir member’s child .

Finally, the rehearsal was over. I saw the little boy out in the lobby with his mom and sister.  “How do you know all the words?” I asked.  He broke out in the biggest smile, dimples and all. “We practice the CD  in the car,” he said.  I told him he inspired me, and it was the honest truth.

All of this transpired in an hour and a half. It was worth the trip!

See the Harmony Project perform on December 19 or December 20th at The Southern Theater! Get tickets through CAPA

A few members of The Harmony Project 200 member choir.

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Fallen Hero JFK: “Once Upon a Secret” by Mimi Alford: Review

John F. Kennedy thanking Marilyn Monroe (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I just completed a book written by yet another one of the late John F. Kennedy’s  alleged mistresses, Once Upon A Secret by Mimi Alford.

Her involvement with Kennedy became public knowledge in 2003 with an article by a Kennedy biographer.  He mentioned Alford by name, and pretty soon the reporters were on her trail. She decided to come out with the information on her own.

Alford had been living with the “secret” for 41 years and wanted to give her side of the story. She was especially interested in letting her two daughters know what happened and why.

Alford’s White House Internship
Ironically, Alford won an internship to the White House by writing an article about Jackie Kennedy for her school newspaper, “ Salmugundy”. Since Jackie  was an alumnus of the school, Miss Porter’s“ a boarding school in Farmington, Connecticut, Jackie’s private secretary, Miss Baldridge, granted her an interview at the White House. Baldridge told her all about Jackie for the article.

Alford assumes the article won her an unsolicited offer to work in The White House.  (She didn’t apply for it.) She took it although her father wasn’t happy about it. He’d already gotten her a job with a fancy law firm. Her family was well-connected and wealthy.

Kennedy was a Womanizer
There are too many women who profess to being his mistresses:Jackie’s press secretary, two white house secretaries nicknamed Fiddle and Faddle, Judith Exner, and Marilyn Monroe.

Alford Was Part of a Team
After you get into this book, you learn there were several graduates of Jackie’s previous alma mater, entertaining JFK throughout the day.  According to Alford, these young women were a tension relievers for the embattled president. On one occasion, JFK suggested she help out his closest aide, Dave Powers relieve his tension too. She complied. But she drew the line at helping out Teddy.

Aftermath of Alford’s affair with Kennedy
After the day of his assassination she confessed the sin to her fiance whom she was later married to for 26 years.  He made her promise to never speak of it again, and she didn’t. She even got rid of the few mementoes JFK  bought her. One was a signed picture, he’d autographed in front of her.
Alford doesn’t regret her affair with Kennedy. Maybe she loved him in her own way.  I think she regretted the fact that she had to hide it, and that it affected her life.

After 26 years, she and her husband got divorced. She does contend that for 13 years they could put the past aside, and were happy. But the last years of their marriage were extremely unhappy. She blames part of it on ” the secret.”

A Happy Ending
One of the reasons Alford doesn’t regret being exposed is because she met her present husband after she became a little famous. She figures if it hadn’t happened, they wouldn’t have ever gotten involved.

Who is Really at Fault?

It seems like the power brokers like Kennedy and more recently Clinton, are too selfish to think about lives they may be corrupting. especially young women.

The book is more well-written that you would expect. It’s an easy read, but it is disturbing. It is a look into the life of President Kennedy from his young mistress’s point of view.

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Going down TV 50’s and 60’s Memory Lane: Rip Don Grady

Howdy Doody (Photo credit: cranberries)

The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was talking with friends about some TV shows we watched in the 50’s and 60’s. I guess the discussion came up because we were talking about the actor who played  Robby on My Three Sons, Don Grady.  As you probably know, he passed away. If you don’t know, I’m sorry to tell you that he died from cancer.

Here were some of our favorites: Father Knows Best: We liked Robert Young, who played the father,  before he was Marcus Welby. (If you don’t know who that is, you’re probably not interested in this posting.

In Father Knows Best the family seemed real to me.  The Mom (Jane Wyman) was gracious and nice; Bud (Billy Gray) was a typical mischievous boy who was pretty cute;  Kathy (Lauren Chapin) —sweet little sister; Betty—( Elinor Donahue). — the wise oldest sister. I think that show was excellent, and would still hold up today.  By the way, the mom was the woman behind Dad’s wise decisions.

There was also Leave It to Beaver. Remember the rumor that Jerry Mathers died in Vietnam. One of my friends thought Tony Dow died. I was happy to find out he is alive and well!

Families have changed today, of course, and it reflects simpler times. You have to realize that the actors who played those characters did not have near the perfect lives that they portrayed on TV.

We discussed the Mickey Mouse Club, with the Spin and Marty episodes. We all looked forward to the Mouseketeers, and owned a pair of ears. (I don’t know if the second version of The Mickey Mouse Club was as popular.

I  adored Circus Boy who grew up to be one of the Monkees, Mickey Dolenz. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of a circus? He was a cute little blond kid who got adopted by a clown in the circus.

Fury was a horse who my mother joked could probably answer the door. She must’ve liked it too. Unfortunately, I can’t remember who else starred in it.

As far as cartoons, my favorite was Bullwinkle.  I loved the satire, even then. I was not a cartoon person. Once I went to a cartoon festival with a friend of mine, and I literally thought I was going to die. Bugs Bunny and The Road Runner were not my thing.

I also liked the cartoons, The Jetsons, and The Flintstones.

Who could forget Howdy Doody, Lassie, Sky King, or The Donna Reed Show. 

We were the first generation to grow up with TV. When we hear that the characters we identified with, passed away, it’s like losing a member of the family.

I don’t think some of the TV shows they have now are exactly wholesome. I don’t know what shows are valuable, and who the kids heroes are today?

What was your favorite show?

Are there good TV shows for kids now? Please comment.

English: Publicity photo of Robert Young and Lauren Chapin from Father Knows Best, 1957. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)